Overweight, stupid, neurotic, selfish, greedy and directionless. They comprise the low-quality segment of humanity and they're all around us. This page is dedicated to show just how far the stupidity of morons can really go.


Thief Runs Over Himself

New information on a thief run over by a U-Haul that he reportedly stole. We now have this guy's name.

The Palm Beach County sheriff's office tells us it all started when a man called 9-1-1 saying his U-Haul had been stolen. Deputies found the truck in Counterpoint Estates in Royal Palm Beach.

The man behind the wheel, 24-year-old Willie Lee Thomas, III, jumped out of the U-Haul with it still rolling. The van ran him over leaving him with injuries that eventually led to his death.

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Luckily, for the most idiotic of criminals in our society, natural selection still fulfills its duty.

Score:

for being run over by the same car you stole


Local Pastor Killed By Goat

The wife of a prominent Montgomery County pastor told deputies that her husband was apparently killed by a goat he was trying to return to a fenced-in area near their state Highway 13 home, according to Montgomery County Sheriff's Office spokesman Chaplain Ted Denny.

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Mrs. Richardson told Deputy David Johnson she found her husband laying on the ground — the rope used to tie the goat wrapped around Mr. Richardson's neck and feet. She said she noticed he wasn't breathing, but when she tried to get near her husband, the goat tried to attack her.

"It was a tragic accident," said Denny, who knew Mr. Richardson. "He was a wonderful man of God."

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Belzebub strikes again; this "wonderful man of God" found himself on the wrong side of the fence. Question is if evil prevails over stupidity, or if stupidity is evil?

Score:

for getting killed by a goat


American Voters Can't Motivate Their Choices

This is democracy in a nutshell: people are so anxious to vote but they don't even know why they're voting in the first place. It's all image politics. What's the point in letting uninformed people vote when we can have smart leaders take care of this on their own?

Score:

for voting and not having a clue why


Obese Relative May Have Crushed Toddler

A 2-year-old boy who died with a fractured skull may have been accidentally crushed by a morbidly obese relative, authorities say.

Investigators believe the woman fell on the child, who was pronounced dead Tuesday, said Bobby Contreras, Hidalgo County justice of the peace.

"It didn't look like there was any foul play from what I saw," he said.

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You know you're immensely obese when you make pancake out of your child when trying to play with it.

Score:

for crushing a child to death when trying to play with it


Nobody Shows Up For An Annexation Election In Florida Community

Every vote counts. But what happens when there are no votes at all? That's the situation city officials in Tamarac are facing. No voters showed up Wednesday night to cast a ballot in an annexation referendum for an unincorporated Broward County community.

There are 68 registered voters in the 200-person Prospect Bend neighborhood. Tamarac officials have proposed annexing the neighborhood.

Details were mailed to registered voters. If just one voter had shown up, that one vote would have decided the neighborhood's fate.

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Democracy is one huge paradox: power is given to the people but the people don't care. I bet all of these people were either watching TV, having sex - or doing both - while the election was held.

Score:

for holding an election where no one shows up


Man Had Friend Shoot Him In The Shoulder So He Could Skip Work

Sheriff's detectives in Franklin County said a man had his friend shoot him in the shoulder so he wouldn't have to go to work.

When he first spoke with deputies, Daniel Kuch told them he'd been the victim of a drive-by shooting while he was jogging Thursday. But detectives said Kuch later acknowledged that he asked a friend to shoot him so he could get some time off work and avoid a drug test.

The friend had been arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. Kuch was expected to be charged with false reporting.

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It remains unclear why his friend simply didn't shoot him in the face and return to work; how stupid do you have to be before you ask someone to shoot you in the shoulder, so that you can skip a drug test?

Score:

for asking for being shot in the shoulder in order to skip the drug test


Customer Files Suit Over Stripper's Shoe

A businessman claims in a lawsuit that he was injured when a stripper giving him a lap dance swiveled and smacked him in the face with the heel of her shoe.

Stephen Chang, a securities trader, said in court papers filed Friday that he was at the Hot Lap Dance Club near Madison Square Garden and was getting a paid lap dance when the accident occurred early Nov. 2, 2007.

According to the lawsuit, as the dancer swung around, the heel of her shoe hit him in the eye, causing him "serious injuries."

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Did he expect to receive his tips back or what? Stupidity is the norm even among those slaves who happen to be rich.

Score:

for suing over a stripper's shoe


Man Trashes Store And Hotel — While Nude

A hotel and grocery store are assessing the damage after a naked man ran amok and allegedly did thousands of dollars' worth of damage.

West Lampeter Township police said they were dispatched to the Willow Valley Resort, and later Darrenkamp's Market, on Friday amid reports of a nude man on a rampage.

Some office space at the resort was trashed, and a forklift was driven into an interior wall, also damaging an overhead sewer pipe, authorities said.

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Wrecking a store and hotel while drunk is stupid. Wrecking a store and hotel while drunk AND naked is even more stupid. There's not much to say here other than that this is a genuine moron.

Score:

for trashing a store and hotel while drunk and naked


Blinded By The Light Of Virgin Mary

AT least 50 people in Kottayam district in India have reportedly lost their vision after gazing at the sun looking for an image of Virgin Mary.

Though alarmed health authorities have installed a signboard to counter the rumour that a solar image of Virgin Mary appeared to the believers, curious onlookers, including foreign travellers, have been thronging the venue of the "miracle".

St Joseph’s ENT and Eye Hospital in Kanjirappally alone has recorded 48 cases of vision loss due to photochemical burns on the retina. “All our patients have similar history and symptoms. The damage is to the macula, the most sensitive part of retina. They have developed photochemical, not thermal, burns after continuously gazing at the sun,” Dr Annamma

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These moronic religious people remind me of the slaves in Plato's cave: once you begin worshipping symbols out of touch with reality, you're eventually going to end up being blinded by your own illusions. Not even Virgin Mary, who got pregnant without having sex, could be this stupid.

Score:

for going blind by looking for a fairy tale symbol in the sky


480-Pound Woman Dies After Six Years On Couch

A 480-pound Martin County woman has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from the couch where she had remained for about six years.

Gayle Laverne Grinds, 40, died Wednesday, after a failed six-hour effort to dislodge her from the couch in her home. Workers say the home was filthy, and Grinds was too large to get up from the couch to even use the bathroom.

Everyone going inside the home had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.

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Talk about morbid fate! This 480-pound seahorse qualifies as a definitive moron for collapsing in the number one modern furniture: The Couch. At the same time this idiot is telling for all modern people; we spend our lives on our asses and call it "freedom." Who cares if we die in front of a glowing box that repeats corporate slogans; it's all part of the modern progress towards self-destruction.

Score:

for living and dying as a gigantic couch potatoe


41-stone Man Requires Firemen's Lift To Move Across The Bed

A crew of 10 firemen were called out four times in one week to lift a 41-stone man in his own home.

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Mr Marsden, 40, who is unemployed and spends much of his day in bed, said he did not understand "what the fuss was about".

He added: "The firemen came here and got on with their job, and once they were finished they went on to their next job. Sometimes I slide to the floor in my living room, and it's hard to get back up.

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Why do we spend money, time and resources on these people? If I was a fireman, I'd either blowtorch the idiot and feed the pigs with the remains or inflate him with air, tape every hole and then announce a new diving tower for the kids in the neighbourhood.

Score:

for requiring two fire engines and 10 firefighters to move across the bed


Obese Idiot Too Fat For Seatbelts, Wants To Change Seatbelts

Like a lot of consumers, Paul McAleer focused on comfort when he recently went car shopping. Adjustable seats, a tilt steering wheel and extra height were all important. Because he's a self-described "fat guy," the website designer also has to check to see if he can fit in the seat belt.

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"It would be in their best interest to make seat belts longer in the first place," says McAleer, who lives in Chicago.

[---]

McAleer, who runs a website called Big Fat Blog, said he's worried the study will focus criticism on the obese instead of the design of seat belts. His new car has seat belts long enough for him, but he said his wife has a harder time buckling up.

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We were unsure whether we should include this guy under "stupidity" instead; Mr. McAleer claims to be too fat for most seatbelts in cars and the study links a declining use of seatbelts with an increase in body mass index - yet his suggestion is not to lose weight but make the seatbelts longer. In other words: obese morons shouldn't conform to a healthy society - society should conform to obese morons!

Score:

for being too fat to use seatbelt and blaming society for it


Man Dies In Cake-Eating Contest

An inquest is to be held on a man who died during a contest to see who could eat the most fairy cakes.

The man, thought to be from Birmingham, collapsed at a Swansea nightclub during the event at the end of a party to raise funds for an art exhibition.

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"Our deepest sympathy goes out to his family."

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This idiot is a good representation of most modern people: consume, consume, consume. No one gives the effects a second thought. Clearly you have to be really stupid to eat yourself to death. Thankfully natural selection took care of this one and sent him to the fairy cake-land he'd been dreaming of.

Score:

for consuming junk food until death


Teenager Attempts Sex With Pavement

Motorists looked on in shock as Steven Marshall, 18, hauled down his trousers and started to simulate sex on the floor.

Marshall — drinking while taking pills for arthritis — also carried out a vile sex act in front of a horrified female taxi driver in Galashiels, Selkirkshire.

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But Marshall will NOT be put on the sex offenders' register after Sheriff Drummond accepted the June offence "was not primarily sexually motivated".

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While it's bad enough to attempt a one-day-stand with the pavement while drunk, this incident passes as pure stupidity when the Sheriff claims it's OK since it "[w]as not primarily sexually motivated" - can we justify any moronic act because we're drunk?

Score:

for trying to shag the pavement and getting away with it because of alcohol


Man Admits Attempt To Have Sex With Goat

A North Canterbury man who tried to have sex with a goat told his counsel "animals could not talk" and he thought that if he used them for sexual gratification he would not get caught.

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Sergeant Lisa Goodson said the man admitted taking the goat to the back of the property, attempting to have sex with it before doing up his trousers, patting the goat and walking away. "He was contrite but said he was unable to stop the behaviour," said Goodson.

His counsel, Andrew McCormick, when urging the judge to continue the suppression of the man's name and the details of the offence, said protecting the public interest by publishing the man's name did not "weigh as heavily" as if the victim had been human.

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What amazes one here is that the story reeks of our society's contempt for animals. The rapist motivates his actions by claiming animals "cannot talk," which is not only a bad argument but also pure bullshit. The old pervert's name is supressed because he tried to rape a goat and not a human being. In other words, we don't really care about what we rape as long as it's nature and not (OMFG) human lives.

Score:

for attempting goat-sex and claiming it's OK since it's a living creature that cannot say no


Woman Sat On Toilet For Two Years

A Ness City, Kansas woman apparently sat on the toilet at her boyfriend's house for two years. Her boyfriend claims he brought her food and water and encouraged her to come out of the bathroom. She refused and finally, after two years, he called police. The woman was brought to a hospital where the toilet seat had to be removed from her skin. She is in fair condition and authorities are investigating the strange situation. From the Associated Press:

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," (Ness County sheriff Bryan) Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

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This is plain weird and stupid; how idiotic do you have to be in order to convince yourself that you'll spend the next two years on the toilet? If I were her boyfriend I'd flush her down the toilet and move on with life.

Score:

for spending two years on a toilet