Submitted by Alex Birch on Sat, 12/01/2007 - 15:51.
When Robert Stewart was found at the Aberley House Hostel in south west Scotland, desperately trying to have sex with his bike, he couldn't possibly have foreseen the immense effects of his deviant act. Although critics wrote the case off as "absurd" and "impossible," Robert's case would turn out to be just a small drop in the ocean of a growing trend in our modern society: universexuality.
Just last monday, a middle aged man from Britain was caught trying to insert his penis into a vending machine. "If I hadn't run out of coins, I would have come," the man told the local press. Another shocking incident occurred in the remote town of Bergen, Norway, where the parents to 14-year-old girl Marit Andersen found their daughter trying to masturbate with the gear lever in their new car. "Every time I backed, it was like being banged by an elephant," Marit said before she was taken into custody.
"What we're seeing here is an explosion of what we call 'universexuality' in the West; a sexual attraction to just about anything from cheese, milk bottles and car seats, to roller skates, water melons and bed sheets. It's a revolt against the discriminating hetrosexual culture that for a long time has oppressed the need for equality and individual freedom," Dr. van Horse, specialist in the field, told CORRUPT News today.
While gay lobbies and lesbian feminists have tried to make gender science, "cruising" and AIDS socially acceptable for decades, the modern universexualists have taken the fight for sexual revolution one step further. Matt Steiner, a self-exclaimed universexualist who claims having sex with mannequins in stores is the best thing in the world, agrees that the battle will soon be won: "Before, we had the white middle class family as standard. Now people have realized that sex should be free for all, regardless of gender, race, social status and sexual orientation, just like these wunderbar mannequins here."
Robert Stewart, who is now facing up to six months in jail for having assaulted and brutally raped a bike seat and two chairs, refuses to comment on the recent events: "Please stop harassing me. All I did was something that every horny man together with his bicycle would do, if they were left alone." Despite the police's efforts to stop the sexual offenders from creating a world wide sexual revolution, Dr. van Horse is optimistic about the future: "It may very well be that we can abolish the hateful cultural tradition of heterosexual marriage and start to love all of life's creatures again." van Horse was later caught trying to insert a 3,5 metre long stethoscope into the anus of a homeless dog.
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Polysexual anyone?
The term ''Universexuality'' aint new but the logical?? result of a book I once came across (no pun intended!) called ''Polysexuality''(or technicaly known as polymorphousperversity), an exploration by various 'theorists' / various perves on what forms of sexual / eroticism can take...universals the limit!!
Robot Marriage
(from a Jew, no less):
http://www.livescience.com/technology/071012-robot-marriage.html
We're animals.
We're animals. There's no such thing as "lower" or "higher," although our brains tend to be complex enough to decide to resist basic urges for our long-term benefit (emphasis, of course, on "TEND to be"). Let's not act as though we're "above" the beasts, but rather that we can decide not to pleasure-fuck or masturbate every hour of the day. And who says some animals can't make the same decisions? I'm fairly certain wild dogs aren't raping each other every minute of the day. . . probably busy hunting for food, granted, but still. . .
There's no such thing as
There's no such thing as "lower" or "higher,"
So we're all equal then, huh?
Let's not act as though we're "above" the beast
Why? We are most assuredly more intelligent, more self-controlled, and more capable of long-term planning than they are.
And who says some animals can't make the same decisions?
Most animals are only capable of very primitive understanding of their outside world and have little to no self-awareness.
I'm fairly certain wild dogs aren't raping each other every minute of the day
Your point?
but still. . .
But still what?
is it any wonder why people fuck inanimate objects?
this is a bulletin repost, but whoever that dude is, i must say he's a genius. it goes to show how human-human relationships are parasitic:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
That's hilarious!
Men and women today are hitting a bottom low - that was hilarious!
anthony vote 4 mike huckabee
anthony vote 4 mike huckabee 4 pres
I think you might have taken
I think you might have taken my comment the wrong way.
I'm not denying that sex feels good, and I'm not saying that people should only fuck to reproduce. But when you completely forget where the natural urge comes from—the desire to spread your genes—you begin fucking merely for pleasure and nothing more than that matters. It devolves into people fucking chairs, bicycles, fruits and vegetables, etc.
In short: No, I'm not going to vote for Huckabee.
A related post I made on a forum not long ago:
"The very thing that drives the existence of every species on this planet, and possibly other planets, is survival. Survival has many manifestations—competition and fighting, adaptation to one's environment, having proper access to life's necessities (food, water), etc.—but in order for a species to survive, the critters of that species need to fornicate. In this sense, sex is the very basis for continued survival: If a species cannot survive, then each living entity that makes up that species will cease to exist, rendering survival on the singular level as something that is not even a possibility."
I guess I was mostly being
I guess I was mostly being facetious. But I still don't think it's a bad idea to fuck merely for pleasure; "lower" animals do it and it serves their existences just fine.
However, we are not lower
However, we are not lower animals. We evolved intelligence as a tool for survival in a new environment, including more selective mating selection over our predecessors. So hence, mating is a balance between refined sexual impulses and temperance of intelligence.
Eugenics is an idea that certainly does not embrace pleasure-fucking (unless you're part of the group of people selected to participate ;D)
But you should still vote
But you should still vote for Mike Huckabee. He's the only candidate to openly huff Jenkem and espouse the medical benefits it provides (religious insights, weight loss).
I've got it! I've realized
I've got it! I've realized the source of all our problems!
People have completely forgotten that the natural, biological purpose of sex is to reproduce. We're so short-sighted and pleasure-seeking that everything that makes sense has been forgotten; sex is fun and that's that! See you at the orgy!
the difference between the
the difference between the hedonistic indulgences that most people engage in and the ritualistic orgies that our european ancestors engaged in was the the sexual rituals were often eugenic in nature, i.e. the man who proved himself the best in a competition of athletics and manliness got to have his way with the most beautiful of the women the community had to offer.
sexual indulgence in modern society is just self-gratification.