Washington, DC (CoNN) - Liberals were saved from adopting creationism in the wake of Nobel Prize Winner James Watson's declaration that races were unequal in intelligence, causing many to reject science outright and turn to theology. Luckily, the British Museum intervened with its strong condemnation of Watson for assuming that science can exist apart from social pressure.

Jerry "Shameless" McMurty, a New York City progressive coffee talk activist, led a spirited discussion at Asteroid Shambles, a coffee pub for progressive-minded people in the Tribeca area. "We were all up in arms about it, and then one of my hip cats pointed out the vast amount of scientific research suggesting that not just races, but social classes and individuals, are inequal. And then I was like, 'If science holds back progress, let's try something else.'"

"Something else" turned out to be creationism, which in McMurty's words was "the only peer-reviewed alternative to science." The Progressive Creationist (PC) movement thus began and was immediately hailed by all nearby as a positive future.

"I was like, it's the holy grail of modern city progressives," said Dugash O'Riley as he got another mixed flavor fair trade latte from the bar. "But then we heard the news that the museum had stopped that evil scientist Watson guy, and then he got fired, so we were like, if science can give in to progressive social pressure, we're just going to redefine science instead."

Down the street at St. Christopher's Cathedral, Catholics gathered to pray for the souls of those involved. "I may be a working middle class woman with no college degree," said Edna O'Grady as she lit a votive candle, "but it doesn't take much intelligence to see that those poor neurotic people are lost souls turning their backs on a forgiving God, even if He does hate abortion so."