WASHINGTON, DC (N3) - American neo-Nazis gathered to celebrate and pray as yet another civil rights march descended on this ghetto-strewn city, home to the capitol of the United States, which still insists it is not a third world nation.

Despite media reports of the gentrification of the far right, most neo-Nazis remain alienated working class Irish-German whites who, like mainstream politics around them, are more concerned with backing a winning political viewpoint than finding a solution. As a result, touchstone issues like the civil rights march for the Jena 6 has given them new hope. "I hope they go right ahead and do that," said Dwayne Totenburg O'Reilly. "Each negro that goes to Washington demanding attention for a crime that wasn't is gonna convert more whites to our cause," he said, hoisting a Budweiser with fellow far right activist Roger Hartmann McCullagh.

Today's civil rights march was spurred by the proliferation of nooses following an event in Jena, Louisiana, where several white students hung nooses to threaten a rival white football team, and were only given light punishment for a crime they did not understand. Despite the majority of hanging victims being white, many black Americans feel that the noose is a symbol of white oppression. Consequently, several weeks of racial conflict, protest marches, and generally oblivious statements descended on Jena, putting local gas station owner Bud McCallahan in the clear for the next six months at least, he thinks. "Black or white, I don't care," he said. "Cash, credit or debit, I don't care. Bring 'em on, the wife's got another bun in the oven." A nearby tourist from Israel dropped dead at his words, and an army of grief counselors, diversity experts, cultural sensitivity coaches and anal hygiene experts swarmed the scene.

"We're gonna show 'em," said McCullagh. "Each time black people come down here, accuse honest innocent whites of racism, and then demand more federal money from people who actually get jobs, the white supremacist movement gains a new potential convert." As if to punctuate his statement, he then screamed "WHITE POWER" while downing an entire 16 oz "tall boy" of Schlitz. A nearby white family, loading a new television discounted because of the writer's strike into their secondhand minivan while calculating the percentage saved toward their second child's college fund, were startled by as with most disturbing things, ignored it and drove straight home where they feel safe, at least until the government finally does something about all the crime, climate change, and collapse into third world politics eerily reminiscent of ancient Rome.

When this reporter asked O'Reilly for a futher statement, he could not give one, as he and McCullagh were too busy shouting white power slogans and racial epithets at passing retirees and welfare moms. No black people nearby wanted to talk honestly to a white reporter, so they brushed us off with sayings learned from whites (called "white lies") such as "I'm on my way to a doctor's appointment," "my hair looks terrible," "I've got the aftosa" and "I gave at the office."

The scene faded out to Democrats, Republicans, Nazis and Communists all cheering for their political teams like soccer hooligans. In the shadowy background of international politics, intrigue and finance, unnamed and faceless oligarchs continue gleefully stealing whatever they can in anticipation of the collapse that will render future human generations as squat, moronic apes accustomed to blindly following orders while a few weasel-faced cynics take away any future they might have had, and invest it in weapons stocks.