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Possible discussion thread: religious vs. areligious families
by Frank Azzurro
One of the great pieces I've read on Easter was here, at the Datejesus.com site. It gives a historical perspective on the holiday, but is more suited to someone who is, perhaps, 20 years old and struggling with ideas of religion.
I've since reconciled my ideas and have abandoned the idea that children are born with original sin and that a cult leader by the name of Jesus is my one true savior. But with a child on the way, knowing that questions - such as: Why does my cousin go to a Catholic school? What does that cross mean? Why aren't I participating in First Communion like many of my classmates? - will come up at some point, how do you know when and how to talk about religion with your "ds" or "dd" (yes, I learned some new acronyms: "darling son" or "darling daughter")? I certainly don't have the answer; we know our child won't be part of the Catholic church, and we don't categorize ourselves as "atheist" either. The name has too many negative connotations, and may even result in our child being a social outcast from an early age - something neither of us want. We want our child to fit in to the point of having friends and having the self esteem to study hard & feel good about his or herself at school, becoming more independent over time.
My wife & I always circle back to the idea that religion can be a touchy subject from a young age, and not taking part in First Communion and other religious rituals may have some social consequences. This is not our first concern, of course, but the idea of religion & spirituality needs to be handled delicately: I'm not going to tell a 5 year old child that there is no god and nothing happens to you after you die, just as I will probably tolerate Santa Claus for at least a few years. The question then becomes: when is it a good time to discuss brutal realism with your child? Ten years old? Twelve?
Please feel free to discuss as I'm still pondering this one - it's an important question and with a newborn that certainly will NOT be baptized into the Catholic Church, I'm open to ideas!
thanks ein for the tip
good point ein. I like the idea you're bringing up here: that if the roots aren't planted deep by the parents, the chlid is more susceptible to cult-like morons who only want to use individuals for adding a number to their ranks.
even if we use some sort of "god" or higher power as an anchor, we'll ultimately be gearing our child more toward the idea that nature/ecology is "god" and that life & death are not things to be feared or worshipped: that the important part of life is lineage, culture, etc. Remember your family, they live on in your hearts, you want your children to be better versions of you, etc. etc...
Having given this subject some thought myself...
I must say I feel more in touch with ancient pagan traditions and the message they are communicating. Maybe raising your child on a religious basis would not be the best idea, but how about a religion's phylosophy?
Take the Scandinavian Asatru for example - they uphold high values that honor tradition, family, nature and transcendence.
Is it possible to raise a child on the priniciples of such a religion, its stories and ideas, and maybe sometimes have ceremonies connected to nature (cycle of the year) and higher values (such as family and courage)?
I feel it's a healthier way. It might not be very popular, expecially in a Christian country, but when you raise a healthy, proud child, It'll pay off.
01
I've actually given this
I've actually given this conundrum some thought, though i have no parenting experience.
I was raised in a christian home, and i believe it can be very damaging to a childs mind to be taught a binary doctrine.
I have pagan leanings because my ancestors were pagan, and because paganism offers a more holistic understanding of reality. I won't raise my kids to be pagan, but i will make them aware of the truths represented therein.
I recall reading Grimm's fairy tales when i was a kid, I think this was helpful in introducing me to the brutality of life in a "fun" way. These stories may seem a little too grim (pun intended) for kids today, but they offer entertainment, life lessons and occaissionally, graphic violence in the correct measures.
thanks both, for the replies
I like these ideas! The more I think about it, the less inclined I am to even expose my child to Christianity. Even with some of the consequences, it's not as if there aren't Jewish people, or people who celebrate other Gods, in one's class here in New England.
I also beleive the strict morality of the faith is a bit much, and whether you listen to a priest who denounces the central authority (they do exist, more and more) in Rome, or if you're reading the Catechism word for word, I still don't like exposing my child to the idea that:
- all children are born with original sin
- someone died 2,000 years ago to help cleanse you of that sin
- we serve God in this life and that's the only meaningful existence
I've definitely seen both sides of the coin: my mother-in-law, who is very grounded and is more a part of the local community of the church - the very best part of the church experience - and forget about Rome and all that jazz...and then a couple of my relatives, who do nothing for their local communities but listen to the pope and are judgemental.
Whatever you raise your child in...
... be sure to raise them in something, period.
I have heard too many horror stories of parents, in a well-meaning sense, wanting to avoid indoctrinating their child into religion and thus raising them in a laissez-faire style, only for the child to grow up rootless and listless, and/or getting snatched up by evangelicals who are more than happy to give them the "meaning to life" they so desire.
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