What strange associations people can make between seemingly unrelated things. Take the connection between donuts and terrorism for example. Donuts have holes in the middle of each one. Bombs blow holes in things. Donuts therefore may encourage bombing campaigns! But no one has yet noticed that particularly obvious and sinister connotation in the bakery product to which I refer. Give it time. Truth is often stranger than fiction, as is proved by the media explosion resulting from an outfit worn by a celebrity model in an ad for Dunkin Donuts.

Swallow this! The model was wearing a scarf slightly similar in pattern to that seen on the likes of Osama Bin Laden and the late Yassir Arafat, amongst many millions. "Oh my gaaaddd", someone in America exclaimed, this being the second most common phrase after "let's get the hell outta here!" in Hollywood movies (or is it the other way around?) "Dunkin Donuts supports al Qaeda!"

Heads will now roll at the ad company responsible for allowing such a terrifying PR coup for the perpetrators of 9/11. I don't mean that we will be treated to a gruesome internet video of anyone representing this totem of American capitalism being decapitated. Al Qaeda would like to dispatch the boss of Dunkin Donuts in just such a manner no doubt - after all, these people HATE OUR FREEDOM. And the freedom for Americans to stuff themselves to blimp like proportions on these donuts is exactly why the troops are bravely struggling under heavy enemy artillery in Iraq as I write. They even intend to bring the glory of coke and fast food to liberate these ungrateful wretches.

Some say the ad outrage is entirely justified. "Wouldn't you be upset if she had been wearing a FARC or a Sinn Fein symbol, or a Confederate flag?" Oh don't forget that most evil one of all - the swastika!

But I say to these ignoramuses: that Arab towel, I mean scarf, or keffiyeh, as it is called by the natives (do you want some keffiyeh with your donut yeah?) is actually not even an Islamic fundamentalist garment anyway, but merely an Arab cultural clothing accessory, worn by men. A woman wearing one must offend the Arabs. The keffiyeh is to Arabs as tartan is to the Scots. There are Muslims in al Qaeda who are not Arabs and don't wear it.

Now what would the silly Yank say when this is pointed out to him? "Jihadn't realized that!"