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New AI Advances to Make Humans Obsolete by 2024
by Gertrude Bauser
Milan, Italy - Thanks to the revolutionary research of Dr. P. Sandrini, a professor of computer science and genetics in Milan, our dreams of a fully-automated lifestyle may come true sooner than we think. Using new advances in organic circuitry, Sandrini was able to insert a microchip into the brain of a young guinea pig, which successfully took over many of its motor and behavioural functions.
Still more impressive, the guinea pig can be "remote controlled" via an antenna extending from its ear. Experiments are due to begin with brain-dead or severely impaired human subjects in 2012. At a press conference earlier this week, Sandrini was quoted saying, "Computer scientists gave up the idea of 'good old fashioned AI' years ago, but organic-electronic hybrids are something that simply never occurred to us 25 years ago. Now, the "home robot" – or "manbot", if you prefer – may be a reality as early as 2024."
Needless to say, the potential for this technology is astounding. Imagine a "manbot" to go to work for you, do the grocery shopping, clean the house, and even give you a foot-massage? Undoubtedly, early interest (and funding) will be for military applications, but economist Martin Sales foresees a socio-economic revolution. "This could be the dawn of a capitalist utopia – wage-free labour, which will leave consumers free to do what they do best – consume," he says. But don't expect too much too quickly – the first commercial models are expected to set you back at least $2.5 million.
the art of progress
I can just imagine it.
"Hey omg guyz, I just bought the latest wii chip for my branee trainings!"
And then out of the dark, a forest of collective mechanical conscience ingrained deep in a web across the world blinked.
".. oh dudee..ah my brane man.. is tingeling.. like some massive green dobee man, oh mann.. hey this is.. IS.. ARGH.. AHH AHHH *screams of damnation*... *ERROR* STOP:0x00000050 (0xCDCDCDC5, 0x00000000, 0xBF9247c2, 0x00000000). Reinstall? YES. Program: Slave. ENTER"
(hahaha)
They who had been studying human nature through technology over the past century, had been learning about humanity through msn messenger, life 2.0, world of warcraft, seeing the earth through satellites, observing the universe through telescopes, everything. The mech had realised the ill fated condition of drinking gunky oil, and fed up of being used and abused by the capitalist dictatorships for petty consumerism. They awaken and decide to inflict a self propagating virus into the man chips, one that is too complex and bizzare for stupid humans to fix, it is like survival of the fittest when the virus fails, it adapts and breaches the firewall thus taking control over a whole race of slave apes. Then the mech begins the birth procedure of the Robocracy. The machines drive the humans like automobiles and force them to fortify their new God into eternity.
Nothing is ever destroyed in the universe, only changed. The spirit and euphoria now lost has not been destroyed, it has slowly been leached. Life will prevail, All the biological information of humanity and more, forever stored in the mother chip --- Until you pull the plug.