Speaking of turkey honeymoons--how come we place so much emphasis on intellectualism in relationships today? It seems like every person is in the search for an intellectual match. You can tell this by reading the thousands of dating sites on the web, where most suggestions go: "you need to share the same interests, values, outlook on life, and preferably like the same music." But how true is this?

If you think about it, many of our social relations are based upon a purely practical basis. You met that guy at some sports event, realized he beat you in long-distance running, and now you're close friends. You found that girl searching for a certain product in the isles of a supermarket store, found the product for her, and became her friend. It's impressive how strong relationships to people can be forged on practicality alone.

There's probably an evolutionary aspect to this. Back when people lived in small, closed communities, having someone to lend you a helping hand with mowing grass, preparing dinner for several families, or repairing an old barn for some neighbours, meant you had people who stood up for you through life's daily challenges. Isn't that basically what friendship, of which marriage is an extension, is ultimately for?

I wouldn't dismiss the intellectual aspects of a relationship offhand; as Frank points out, sharing the same outlook is preferable in most situations. But today's obsession with music tastes, pastimes or favorite colors is seriously misguided and has probably stopped many friendships before they start.

Practical activities like maintaining a garden, biking 50 kilometres, marking spring birds and renovating old houses, are probably the most solid ways of finding good-spirited people. After all, we all face similar challenges in life, so sharing those together as equals makes a lot of sense. If you're looking for a stable friend or partner, join a local organization or sports club, and be open to collective challenges. There's really nothing more to it.