AUSTIN, TX (N3) - As the government of the United States announced plans to investigate websites that provided inspiration for the school shooter Pekka-Eric Auvinen in Jokela, Finland, CORRUPT scientists announced the discovery of a new mathematical principle that may explain human delusion.

According to the government of the United States, and those of every other industrialized country, those who act against a system that by its very existence is evil, are terrorists. In their view, because our system of government has not struck us, but merely condemns us to live in a utilitarian hell where the most intelligent are constrained by the behaviors of the least intelligent, those of us who fight back are aggressors.

Psychologists explain this principle as "passive aggression" and "cognitive dissonance." In the first, people who are acting aggressively find themselves unwilling to admit their selfishness, so they pretend their actions are selfless and act against anyone who suggests otherwise. This is why crowds ruthlessly exterminate ad hoc dissidents.

"Cognitive dissonance" is the psychological principle that allows this, by letting individuals adjust their perceptions of reality to fit their own situations, so that the parameters of their own lives become shifted upward toward their external ideal, instead of adjusting external circumstance to become more ideal.

In light of these discoveries, CORRUPT scientist Alan Ovaltrio's new discovery from the world of mathematics explains a similar principle. "The Inverse Negation Transitional Property is a formula for explaining the translation of numbers from an absolute to a local context," said Ovaltrio. "An example would be stars and gravity. On the star, gravity has one measurement, relative to the star itself; in space, that gravity has another measurement, relative to space itself."

Harvard University science instructor Dan Woolburn agreed. "It might not make sense to the layman, but for those of us working on string theory, it's essential," he said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a website to finish -- I'm moonlighting as a web designer to get this rabid monkey of student debt off my back."

Brett Stevens, spokesmaniac for CORRUPT.org, said in a coded statement that CORRUPT.org would not back down. "Of course we support the death of oblivious morons whose excessive numbers are choking life on planet earth," said Stevens. "The planet is finite, and humanity is growing at Malthusian rates with no ability to stop itself, so nature must intervene."

Stevens tossed a quarter to a homeless man, then peeled off his gloves. "Contact nerve toxin," he explained. "Nature often comes from within in the misanthropy we cannot suppress with Zoloft, Paxil, Welbutrin, alcohol, cocaine and anal sex. The violence of misanthropy we feel is our honest selves recognizing this farce of a society can't go on, at least without destroying everything beautiful in life. Anyone who doesn't see that is a dinosaur. We are the future supermen, and the future, and the rest of you are just nitwits in denial."