Although I share some aspects of Martin's nerd hating, I am not from a peasant background and have friends only among the middle class. It is still worth to emphasize that being too nerdy in general about anything will effectively lower your social status, except if you make something fun of it (at my dorm I am known as "the Hulk," because I eat all the time and throw chairs around when I'm happy).

To the story: for several months now I've watched the classic nerdy love story unfold before my eyes. Nerdy, cute girl is being stalked constantly by nerdy guy. He wants her so bad any man can smell it in the air, yet all he dares to do is to play thumb games with her. At first it's kind of cute, then it's just pathetic, because he knows what every man knows: if you don't take risks, you can't win anything. Me and a couple of other guys have bullied him now and then for it, because we like him and the girl, but nothing happens.

Today I think I made him change his mind. It was easy. I simply walked up to him when he was alone and said: "It's one month from now. You see her in the living room. She's hugging a guy in the sofa. They're making out. He's stroking her back..no wait, he's stroking her ass. Suddenly you come in. She looks at you, smiles, says hi nervously. The guy doesn't even look at you, he just continues to fondle with her hair. They continue to make out while moaning. Then you go into your room and lock the door. Repeat at least ten times a month."

The look on his face was priceless. Tomorrow he'll ask her out, or he'll die wishing he did.

An anonymous commenter wrote something worth looking deeper into:

I think this applies to all of us in the local music scene...I like the attention I get from gentlemen in between sets...usually other musicians...and I make a lot of friends that way...but the big shows with big stages (yes, I play these too)...most of the people are in awe of a woman who is not a "chick singer" and they don't know how to approach me...

It definitely is easier to meet people and make new friends at some types of concerts than at others. For maximizing opportunities for sex with groupies the dynamics are different, but I will uncharacteristically ignore sex while I write this post and just stick to the subject of forming friendships.

Playing music in public is a great way to "be somebody" and make other people interested in you. Some of those people will want to meet you, shake your hand and get to know you. Yet they do this a lot more at some kinds of concerts than others. Anonymous writes that large stages and large venues keep this from happening because they make you seem less approachable. I agree that playing in auditoriums and concert halls will generally make you fewer friends than playing clubs, but I don't think that venue size is the major part of the story. I suspect the venue's design and purpose has more to do with it than size. If it was really just about venue size, artists would make fewer new friends at exhibit openings in large galleries than in small ones. I don't think that's true, though if any artists know how it works from experience please let me know in the comments.

I think it's easier to meet people and socialize in places which are designed primarily for selling alcohol, such as pubs. Notice how it's considered unusual and almost rude for band members to pack up and go home as soon as they finish their last set - the normal expectation is that you'll at least have a drink and spend some time being social with fans and other band members. It's also perfectly normal for audience members to hang out at the venue afterwards, even for many hours if an afterparty develops. There is also plenty of opportunity to talk before the gig and during breaks. The more time everyone spends in the venue the more drinks sold and the happier the owner.

That kind of thing just doesn't happen in auditoriums, theaters and arenas whose lifeblood is ticket sales not alcohol sales. There the audience basically leaves when the show ends as there isn't much else to do. Some will stand around chatting for a little while but not for too long. Also the band will usually disappear somewhere into the back after they tear down which makes them more difficult to locate. You can still make few friends at that kind of gig, but it'll mostly be among the organizers, other bands etc. Even if you're out in the audience during someone else's set the seating arrangements facing the stage don't facilitate socializing and the amplification is more likely to render attempts at conversation pointless.

There are ways to play big stages and make plenty of friends, though. One is to plan an official or semi-official afterparty at a nearby pub. Another is to play various non-music festivals. For example, those tourism-promoting civic fests don't really revolve around alcohol sales or socializing but their purpose is to give people something to do for a few hours or even for the whole day, and that provides plenty of opportunity for people to approach the band they dug.

I guess much of the above probably also applies to making new friends when you're part of the audience, but I attend concerts where I'm not playing so rarely (once every few years) that I wouldn't really know.

David DiSalvo's excellent Neuronarrative science blog brings us news of a sociological study on friendship. Though intended to discover where and how people meet their friends, it also accidentally discovered that the average person replaces roughly half their friends in seven years.

The results: personal network sizes remained stable, but many members of the network were new. Only 30 percent of the original ‘helper’ friends and discussion partners had the same position in a subject’s network seven years later, and only 48 percent were still part of the social network.

That means there's no need to feel guilty or bad about drifting away from your friends or losing them - that seems to be part of the normal human experience, at least in modern times. Now, if you only have half as many friends as you did seven years ago that probably is a problem and you should seek out some opportunities to make new ones (in other words, get a life), but most people naturally replace their lost friends with new ones. Social network size is remarkably stable, and as others have discovered even modern social networking technologies don't seem to have any significant effect on it.

So friends aren't really forever as individuals, but some form of a group of friends you can rely on should always be there. You never know what you'll need them for. Remember the old saying: "Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body".

If you don't have the right partner with whom to share your life, it's a safe bet you won't have a strong family and won't plant strong roots for your children - which you shouldn't be having anyway. Alex points out the value of good relationships here.

Relationships need to be forged in strong values, and you only find that out via dating. So you can't be antisocial and expect the right person to fall from the sky; you have to work hard at finding the right person. Once you do, you should know it pretty quickly and commitment shouldn't be feared (if it is, you have other issues, be it within or outside the relationship).

The important thing is getting together for the right reasons: it's not about his or her wardrobe, musical tastes, or even education. Rarely, a marriage can be sprung from people who have such a passion for the same ideals - think astro-physicists who enjoy studying the stars together - that it just makes sense. But Alex' point is that the quality of the partnership is what's important, and then when you look outside your family, the quality & values of your street, your neighborhood, your community. These ideals have been lost in modern society but if you try to live them, you can help revive them.

If you are not in an area where you feel comfortable having children, it may be time to move. If your extended family lives nearby, and they are good people, usually that's good enough to counteract the surrounding community & what you may perceive as their insane set of values. All you can do in cases like this is bring your child up in a way you & the important folks in your life deem best.

Speaking of turkey honeymoons--how come we place so much emphasis on intellectualism in relationships today? It seems like every person is in the search for an intellectual match. You can tell this by reading the thousands of dating sites on the web, where most suggestions go: "you need to share the same interests, values, outlook on life, and preferably like the same music." But how true is this?

If you think about it, many of our social relations are based upon a purely practical basis. You met that guy at some sports event, realized he beat you in long-distance running, and now you're close friends. You found that girl searching for a certain product in the isles of a supermarket store, found the product for her, and became her friend. It's impressive how strong relationships to people can be forged on practicality alone.

There's probably an evolutionary aspect to this. Back when people lived in small, closed communities, having someone to lend you a helping hand with mowing grass, preparing dinner for several families, or repairing an old barn for some neighbours, meant you had people who stood up for you through life's daily challenges. Isn't that basically what friendship, of which marriage is an extension, is ultimately for?

I wouldn't dismiss the intellectual aspects of a relationship offhand; as Frank points out, sharing the same outlook is preferable in most situations. But today's obsession with music tastes, pastimes or favorite colors is seriously misguided and has probably stopped many friendships before they start.

Practical activities like maintaining a garden, biking 50 kilometres, marking spring birds and renovating old houses, are probably the most solid ways of finding good-spirited people. After all, we all face similar challenges in life, so sharing those together as equals makes a lot of sense. If you're looking for a stable friend or partner, join a local organization or sports club, and be open to collective challenges. There's really nothing more to it.

Following up on Frank's claim that guy's nights out aren't over just because you've become a dad, I'd say it's highly important for men - and women - to have guy's/girl's nights out every now and then, regardless whether they’re parents. Since I've been part of both camps, I'll share some thoughts on the subject.

Guy's night out

I summon all my male friends, except the uber-soft guy I studied philosophy with last year, and book three hours on a public sauna. If you book the last hour, you can circumvent the time limit and basically hang out there all night, which is what we always do. I make sure I have at least two beers for each person, and possibly some Russian vodka for the unlucky ones who've got a cold (not recommended).

We hang out at my place some hour before, debating politics and mocking the latest fruit cake in the media. The conclusions are always the same: leftism doesn't work, we need guns to protect ourselves against idiots, and Czech beer is uber. We drink one or two of those beers and share some laughs. No one talks on the cell phone the whole time and there's generally no talk about women.

Then it's sauna time for as long as we can withstand. I'm usually the last one out, but there's no real pressure to try to play macho by sitting there for hours without taking at least one cold shower. Sauna baths are great in that each person is focused on simply sweating, but can talk with the others whenever he wants to. There's no social pressure and you can be quiet for 30 min without anyone giving a damn. It's a comfortable environment. This is where you discuss women, job-related issues, and non-safe jokes about minorities.

Afterwards everyone is usually too tired to go out to a pub, but if it happens, it usually means another beer or drink at a local establishment, and then splitting up in the middle of the night. Rarely do other people join a guy's night out who weren't invited--if they do, you want to know who they are and what they're all about. If good-looking but unknown ladies stand outside the sauna and ask to join, they're never allowed in. A guy's night out is a closed circle of good friends meeting up, period.

Girl's night out

Girls start the evening by frantically sending text messages all over the place, and suddenly 4+ women are chatting away insanely on a quiet restaurant or bar where there's not too much noise. They immediately begin discussing relationships and update each other on the slightest odd or happy scene: "I saw Marcus water my plants last night. No, seriously, he did!" "OMFG, that is so rare. Did he overwater them" "Of course, what did you think?" They never keep their cell phones more than one metre away, to make sure they don't miss out on an extremely funny message.

A lot of girls usually start with something finer like red wine, and will only drink beer later into the night when they've entered a real pub where there's noise and socialization. They change the subject often and a long period of silence means death. Talk, always. They want to go crazy when their boyfriends are not around, so they gladly freak out on soft things like spilling a glass of wine or messaging the wrong person with personal information. They have no real plans about where to go next, but decide later once the place they’re in gets boring.

They increase the socialization level by ending up at some club, where they possibly rendez-vous with more people. Some want to dance and release energy, others sit quietly somewhere with the cell phone. Discussions usually become intensive rants no one can keep track of. They've swept personal information, so now they just want to have a good time. The night ends when they feel exhausted, either by too much talk or too much moving--or both.

Learn to enjoy both

Joining a girl's night out is chaotic, random, and exhaustive. Any guy who pretends it's like hanging out with his male friends doesn't know what he's talking about--or he's got weird male friends. But there is a charm in joining a social circle only comprised of females. Just make sure you take a dominant position quickly and shout some, or else you'll never be heard during the entire evening (unless someone asks you to say something, which they usually do out of group sympathy). Be entertaining and softly assertive.

If I want to chill out with friends, I summon my male friends. There is no bullshit and minimal randomness. In fact, we plan pretty much everything, and enjoy hanging out while engaging in some light physical activity like walking/biking or visiting the sauna. Even cooking works, especially if you mix guys and girls. Girl's night out kills me, but it's hilarious. Guy's night out is however what I really prefer and I think most men agree.

Due to popular demand, I present more useful tips on being an asshole.

Never show irritation. You irritate other people. Other people amuse you. Even if this is not true, make it look like it is.

Strike at weakness. For example, around women over 25, casually mention that the singer in one of your bands is 17.

Never retaliate when insulted. You will be insulted a lot. Either ignore it completely, look smugly satisfied, or respond that you aren't what you are being accused of, but in fact something far worse.

Make your rejections blunt. Instead of "I'm sorry, but..." just say "No" or "Hell no". You don't want to send the message that the rejection is difficult or painful for you. Make it look like you enjoy it!

Remind others of your superiority. Are you better or more successful than someone? Work that into conversation. That does not mean mentioning your fancy degree - instead mention actual accomplishments which your fancy degree made possible, like having a job ordering people around. I like to irritate guitarists by reminding them that I'm in demand and they might be too, if only they weren't available in such surplus quantities.

Never abuse authority. If you abuse authority, you come off as someone who's an asshole only when he has power. Show those beneath you that you don't need power to be an asshole.

Look good. Good-looking people get away with much more. Of course there's only so much you can do, but be in good physical shape and dress like someone successful. If you don't want to dress like an adult, this is where I suppose expensive thugwear can come in handy.

Learn from those you hate. Think of the most obnoxious and despicable person you've ever known. What did they do to successfully get under your skin?

Of course, this isn't something everyone can pull off. If you just aren't man enough to be a successful asshole, perhaps you can give being a Renaissance Man a try:

The Renaissance Man is a modern man who is as alpha as he can be despite not being rich and powerful and while still living within the limitations set upon him by society and his power level.

Read more: The Official Martin Regnen Guide To Being An Asshole, Part 1

Many of our readers have expressed amazement and admiration for my superior asshole skills. To them we offer this handy list of tips on how to be a successful and effective asshole, just like yours truly:

Be prepared to face the consequences. Someone might punch you or you might have to go looking for another job. Always be ready. The life of an asshole is always interesting with higher highs and lower lows than the life of the wuss.

Practice your laugh. You need to be able to both smirk and cackle obnoxiously without coming off like a B-movie villain or the fat kid from the Simpsons. This is very important. You don't want to be a gloomy miserable asshole who never smiles, but a happy asshole who loves being better than everyone else.

Pick your targets. Don't be an asshole to your grandmother or to small children. Don't be too much of an asshole to people you have actual power over. The best people to use your full range of asshole skills on are your bosses and attractive young women.

Have standard go-to lines. Here an example of a great line with a good story behind it: If you're going to be a dog, be a Rottweiler. If you're going to be a bitch, wear a skirt. Don't necessarily steal that one, but have a few like that which can be called upon in a variety of situations.

Be proactive. If someone denies you a favor, reacting with insults just makes you look like resentful loser. Be an asshole before you ask them for the favor, and if they deny it continue acting the same way you did before.

Be confident. You want people to know that you're an asshole because you're so great that you can get away with it. Confidence is key. Without confidence you look like an angry basement-dwelling loser who might as well be an asshole because no one ever liked you in the first place anyway.

Confuse and confound. Directly and openly state extreme things to get people off-balance. If asked who you voted for in an election, say you did not vote because you oppose democracy. People are used to supporters of other parties and know how to react to them; they are not used to those who despise all political parties.

Escalate. Many people are comfortable trading barbs, especially indirect and subtle ones, but will be cowed by anything direct and blunt.

Practice, practice, practice. Take every opportunity to say inappropriate things for little reason - tell dirty jokes around women, mock short people etc. That will make it far easier when you need to tell your boss something he really doesn't want to hear.

Semi-related: the Rawness explains how to annoy hipsters while Dealbreaker offers tips on avoiding capture following your financial fraud.

Read more: The Official Martin Regnen Guide To Being An Asshole, Part 2