I saw Alex's recent column touching on feminism and was reminded of some of my recent interactions with mothers. I know these women through work and have to talk to them for work-related material, but being a new father the subject of children always comes up.

I'm aware of social boundaries, particularly in the work place, so when I get started on a topic I feel passionately about I'm always very careful what I say at work. A couple of women talked about how they hate the idea of day care but really need their job. One told me "feminism sucks" when I finally eased the conversation toward the idea that we're stuck in a conundrum of two incomes being necessary to maintain our modern standard of living. Our entire economy is built on the idea now that both parents will work full time and contribute to the economic pie, even if part of that contribution is day care for children who would otherwise be at home. Who wouldn't see this as completely backwards?

I used the example of student loans. Way back when, before student loans, colleges were selective but even private universities weren't insanely expensive. Since everyone paid their own way or borrowed money from the school at very low interest rates, say 1%, if they needed to, colleges & universities focused on learning instead of money. Once you involve student loans to give people the "opportunity to learn", even though that opportunity always existed, it artificially inflates the cost of education. Down the road, you have insanely high tuition rates and people end up having to borrow money to pay it off with future income, another symptom of our debt culture. Never mind the fact that now everyone goes to school for a bachelor's, watering down the meaning for those who truly belonged in an advanced academic environment after grade school.

The same is true for the women's movement. If you inject a ton of new people into the work force, a few years later you'll have a spike in economic growth because family incomes on average have increased but prices haven't caught up yet. When companies finally realized they could charge more for services like day care and school, and credit card companies realized they could get more people to borrow more money, prices climbed. Now day care is barely worth the tradeoff to go to work for many women. Who would want to pay a good salary for someone making $10/hour to raise their child for 8 hours/day?

No wonder even women tell me that feminism sucks.

The past month or so has been a bit crazy. We were asking for it when we wanted to do a house closing the day before New Year's Eve - crazy time of year usually followed by a lull turns into crazy time of year ramping up into an even crazier time.

It dawned on me recently that this is it. There may be other children, and our first child will be less needy (but likely still a handful) when we get further into his childhood. But once the house is organized to our liking, there will always be a project here, an errand there to do. Houses keep you busy, kids keep you busy. And of course, work keeps you busy.

It's unfortunate that people get lost in this busy-ness - it allows some of us ready-made excuses to disconnect from reality. In the midst of the busier times lately, it's not signing the documents to buy the house we'll remember, but rather the first night we spent in the house. It's not signing the checks or being able to borrow against the equity that you strive for, but rather building a good environment for one's family and sustaining it over time.

So we've paid particular attention to documenting some of the milestones we've seen our son experience during his fast growth. Still not quite six months old, this is what many parents are telling us is the "fun time": he's not quite mobile enough to realize there's more than just wiggling and kicking his legs, so he's content most times just to sit on someone's lap and smile, laugh, giggle. Now that he can fully support his head for a couple of minutes instead of just a few seconds, we're more comfortable taking him out on errands and to restaurants. He can even sit in a high chair for a bit and is eating solids. We've found this is a good time to continue giving a child lots of attention, showing him that he has loving parents. Giving them attention gives them confidence; not giving your child attention while you're in the same room as them can be detrimental to developing good social skills and social confidence. It all starts in the home, as they say. So whenever my son is in the same room as me, even if I have my work laptop open, I make it a point to make him laugh and give him some affection. Hearing him giggle, knowing he's fully content when he's in my arms, is one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced.

My wife has also forged ahead with feeding the baby solids after we got the okay from our pediatrician. There's no shame in buying ready made baby food, but there is a cheaper alternative that is also more natural. Try buying some frozen vegetables - squash, peas, etc., always asking a pediatrician. You can use a food processor to process the food, then put it into ice cube trays and freeze it. The food is good this way for months; we just put the cubes into freezer bags and use it as we need to.

These are the types of milestones to document. When people told us, "take lots of pictures", I thought they were joking - of course we would take lots of pictures. It's easy to get wrapped up in what people call "real life" but ignore reality and not make time for the little things. We have a camera and can record video, so we make it a point to use them. Our parents did, and having those albums and videos around three or so decades later really does help make that connection to one's roots and upbringing stronger.

Whether you get along with your family or not, knowing where you come from is a crucial part of raising them. The side I know more about is my father's. Like many Italians post-WWII, my grandfather tried to find opportunity elsewhere. The country was in turmoil, and many were leaving. So my grandfather had a son, then left to go to Australia to find work and try to get established. Then he came back to Italy after a year or two, had another kid, and tried again in America. He ended up having four children and was able to finally bring them over after leaving his whole family to get established.

My grandfather was fairly innovative in that he was able to get his hands on an automobile and use it for commercial purposes - hauling people and goods - to and from other areas of the country before he left Italy, when no one else in his town had a car. He had amassed some money, not easy in those days, so my question to my father was always: Why did he want to leave if he was succeeding and building wealth?

There were a few reasons. One was the mafiosi in the region. They knew of the people who had means, and they would find ways to get money out of them. If they couldn't find an easy way, they would simply kidnap children and bring them into the hills to send random notes. My father told me his mother would always make sure he was close by her for this reason while he was growing up there. Anyone with a skill set they knew they could put to good use elsewhere and be paid well for it with little fear of this kind of passive-aggressive retaliation would be foolish to not leave - the opportunities were too good to pass up, and outweighed the culture & roots about which many had become disenchanted anyway.

The other reason was that, regardless of mafiosi, if you were successful in a small village of people who knew you and your family, these people would find ways to hate you. This goes to my point above in eliminating traits best left behind. While proud of my heritage, I know many Italians - just like in any other culture - are lazy, jealous people who would rather see people kept closer to their level than succeed. This is crowdism at its finest. If my grandfather had stayed behind and managed to not get mixed up in any of the mafiosi business, his fellow villagers wouldn't look too kindly on him if he stayed. They would have seen him building a better life while they were content to go with the flow of whatever government was popular that week - something for which Italians are notorious.

Stretching back further, something I didn't know until recently is that my great grandfather was one of the immigrants who helped build the interstate system (up through Vermont). Growing up outside of the place most of my ancestors did, then having to ask about my family's background from another country has been interesting. As I noted in the interview I did for Alex, part of my identity comes from a place I've only been able to visit three times in my life, and most of it comes from the area I was born in and have stayed in. Asking questions about my background has taught me a few things: that some of my traits are obviously carried over from my father and grandfather, and there were some I never realized that were carried over from past generations. Visiting the place my father's side of the family came from also motivated me to ask more about my family's past, something I recommend for parents to do with their children when they can afford it.

I've continued going to the gym in recent weeks, taking a little break around the holidays and on days where I had to shovel for over an hour.

I first went downstairs to the gym in my work building and the personal trainer offered a free session. I'm glad I accepted, otherwise I might just be stuck on the treadmill wishing I wasn't at the gym each morning. She kept some back issues I've had in mind and showed me a good 30-40 minute weightlifting routine to do each morning. There were enough different activities to do - including using a fitness ball for squats and pushups, etc. - that we split it up into "days 1 and 3" and "days 2 and 4", with a day to do whatever I wanted on day 5 if I were to come in a fifth day. I found myself going for two months straight, excited to see slow progress like adding five pounds here or getting my abs used to doing situps against gravity on the decline bench. Seeing my belt buckle go down a notch hasn't been bad, either.

The treadmill is less of a concern as I feel the weightlifting is burning a good deal of fat on its own, but I still get on there and walk quickly or run a bit for a total of at least a half hour each day I'm at the gym. It's a good way to end the workout after pounding one's muscles for 40 minutes.

I'm not into weightlifting for the same reasons Alex and Martin are, though. I want to lose weight, and tighten up my muscles, as more of a general health thing. Weightlifting with, say twelve reps each exercise two times each, gives my muscles more of an endurance workout than a workout geared toward explosiveness or building mass, and extends the amount of time I can lift (by taking shorter breaks between sets). I also find it useful to try doing ab work or work on the fitness ball between sets if I'm getting tired. This leads into some light running or fast walking to wrap things up.

It's a good routine, despite getting up in the very cold early morning hours of a New England winter to warm up the car, bundle up, drive in to work out. But when you're going to work right afterward, it's a rewarding feeling to know you've already accomplished something good well before you hit the desk. Then when you get home to your family, you know you're at least doing something to keep yourself active to remain healthy for a long period of time.

When we were searching for a house, we weren't concerned with square footage or whether or not the house would look good on HGTV. Ever watch those shows where annoying, yuppie couples pick apart a brand new kitchen and talk about how they'd add this or that? Our house is by no means dilapidated; in fact, it was built in the 1950s when people still built houses with pride. But it's dated, so it'll take some work to bring it to where we want it to be. This will involve a fresh coat of paint in the spring, and some other minor fixes. The "bones" of the house are quite nice - many people living in houses built in the 1980s would be envious of how solid the floors and walls are, let alone the craftsmanship.

More important than the structure itself is the land and the community. Our lot is mostly wooded but has a small patch of flat surface and a hill going up. This will be great for sledding when our son is outside playing in the snow, and nice for him to climb up and explore a bit of our land before he tires of it. It's still a suburban neighborhood, so there will be plenty of things to do outside our property. New England suburbs are a bit different than in many other parts of the country because the land is so hilly and uneven, and the area has been settled for so long, that there is very little room for things like subdivisions with same-looking lots stretching for over a mile. I've always felt this has added to the charm of living in New England.

Our particular community is one where people enjoy staying involved. We have lived here for nearly three years as renters and I grew up close by, so I know people take a lot of pride in living here. This is reflected in simple things like trash collection. Without giving people ego boosts simply for showing up with a recycle bin, they regulate how much trash you can throw out on a given week or else you have to pay extra for special bags or an additional barrel (the barrel has arms on it which can be grabbed by the truck, and everyone is given one). The documentation states this should push you toward using your recycle bins more, and you have to sort things a certain way. Some people would cry about personal freedom and time wasted on sorting your garbage, but it's quite easy when you get used to it - and this method comes with extra perks like free by-appointment appliance and electronic disposal, since it saves the town a lot of money.

Neighbors seem friendly and property taxes are kept reasonable by a huge swath of commercial space (corporate HQs, malls, etc.) that are all clustered together away from most of the residential property. Michael Arth would be proud.

While fortunate to have been able to purchase property in a state that is known for exhorbant real estate prices, we also worked our way toward this purchase with clear goals in mind. We didn't need stainless steel appliances or four/five bedrooms with a master suite and jacuzzi. We wanted to live in a decent community, not too far from family. I've known people who moved half the state away just to be able to afford a nice big house (and with it, a 2 hour commute). The problem is, all they ever see is their own home and their own immediate family, because they've moved into a community they don't know full of strangers, one neither of the parents grew up anywhere near. To sacrifice the family time and community roots for another 1,000 square feet didn't seem worth it to us, so we feel we've chosen wisely.

Our son is now past four months old. In a previous post, I had mentioned that he was sleeping well and now in his own room. But as many parents and doctors have told us, just when you think you have a routine pegged down, babies go and change on you. This ever-changing phase lasts through toddlerhood and then there are a whole new set of issues to deal with once your child is in grade school. But, one step at a time, yes?

The transition from apartment to house - with all the "house sounds" that come with it, like the furnace & sounds of wood settling - has been surprisingly smooth, though we are only on the third night in the house. He has begun to demand a bottle at 4am, which he's been getting, but otherwise sleeping soundly. Last night he tested us at 3am. As much as it hurt to hear, we had to let him cry it out until 4am when he was ready to have his bottle. As much as some - particularly in the Continuum Concept community - may disagree with sleep training, this is necessary in times of flux when both parents have to work, even if my wife is working at night. It's also necessary for other, social reasons, much as a four month old could care less.

The Continuum Concept would dictate in a case like this that the baby should sleep with the parents or in the room. It's a nice idea and sometimes my wife naps with our son. But it will only make the transition to social activities and schooling more difficult down the road, if the child is used to only constant contact with the parents, then suddenly gets ripped out of that when and if the parents are away for a few hours just to go out to eat here and there. Worse, when school begins, the child will have anxiety when away from parents for hours on end. This sets a bad tone for the future and for development. If the child is uncomfortable in school to begin with, how can he or she develop as a student? Many in the Continuum Concept board site that they can home school chlidren and not even use books. While I certainly have issues with modern education, a better system needs to be implemented; removing oneself from it isn't the end-all answer.

The idea that we should live like the Yequana tribe in modern society is absurd, and that's why I ultimately left the Continuum's email forum. I'd love to live that way, sure, everyone would. But there are social realities to consider when raising children in modern society. Much like Montessori education, it stops at a certain point and then children are expected to join the rest of the pack in modern educational facilities and modern living. These typically aren't as good or are at least very different from the systems in which they were raised. So as is usually the case, the best solution lies somewhere in the middle of local public school teacher and the radical new educational theories that can sometimes hurt chlidren when they eventually end up in the same colleges as children who went to public school.

My belief is that with a strong family and attentive parents, the exact type of educational theory or "concept" isn't as important as a loving home for the child. It might seem overly simple, but time will tell if it works in our case.

Things have been particularly hectic lately between the holidays and moving, hence the lack of updates.

So far, so good, is all that can be said. The holidays were wonderfully different, in the sense that they now revolve around the younger generation of the family. As people progress into adult lives, it's interesting to see which family members - extended and immediate - mature, which ones we stay in touch with, and which ones want to be part of the ever-changing life cycle. Some get left behind or become bitter, and as adulthood progresses, I find myself indifferent to people who don't want to progress into new phases of life.

This is a roundabout way of saying, "grow up", to people who show no interest in doing so. In America and most of the developed world, people enjoy extended adolescent years, so having a child in the same year as I turned 30 and bought a house forced me to do some growing up mentally. It's been a positive if at times stressful change; I'm happy to be living it and to face new challenges.

We've been fortunate to have lots of help & support from family & friends, hence the reflection on people who want to take part in life vs. those who want to deflect. Just yesterday, on a very cold Sunday morning, I had family members and friends I rarely see any more at my house and ready to help with looking at light carpentry work as well as bringing pickup trucks to help haul things where needed. It was a refreshing change. Then there are, of course, the pillars in our lives: parents, aunt or uncle here or there, siblings - who are always willing to help and who want to move forward with us as we do or have done with them.

Whoever said "a house is not [necessarily] a home" knew what they were talking about.

Alex recently wrote about how dressing in style can be important.

It's easy to let things slip a bit when you've just had a baby, and my wife and I realize we've let our wardrobes go a bit stale. I tend to use a similar rotation, so to speak, of outfits each week, for a couple of reasons: I see other people at work do the same thing; things are tough and I don't want to spend a lot of extra money on new clothes; I interact with less than a dozen people per day in my office job.

Still, we're not kept up all night anymore, but we are moving so our focus is on packing and doing things that don't necessarily lend themselves to running out and getting some nice new clothes. The winter weather also allows one to leave the house without much of one's wardrobe showing. So we forced ourselves to treat each other and picked out some nice things recently.

The clothes aren't important, but it's one element of personal appearance. As a parent, you don't want people looking at you and your family, and thinking, "well, if these two ever had any style, they've long since given up when they had kids." We feel good and are in good health, so why not complement that with some new threads once in a while, and ensuring pants are pressed before wearing them, maybe cleaning those shoes up a bit?

I also noticed that when I had to go to a different office location this week, I subconsciously remembered to have my shirts and pants pressed, and wore my nicer clothes to that office, which are usually reserved for interviews or occasions. I knew I'd be meeting new people and seeing other people I hadn't seen in a while. So the new clothes aren't just about making a statement and ensuring I look respectable to the outside world, it's also about breaking routine and not falling back on the old, safe wardrobe which equates to comfort, but sometimes staleness.

As an aside in a movie review, Ricky Raw mentioned that he doesn't care for men's rights advocates:

I’ve been trying to preach to guys out there about how to be stronger, better men and there seems to be a lot of readers who instead take my writings as license to blame women for everything under the sun and whine and wallow in self-pity. It sickens me. I talk about the damage radical feminism has done to male identity as a means to an end, and that end is to grow into better men. But many guys out there miss the point and want to remain exactly the same and instead make whining about radical feminism and emasculation the end game. They worship the scars they received from rejection, emasculation, heartbreak, divorce court and don’t make any effort to heal and grow stronger. I especially find this among people who find my blog from reading Men’s Rights blogs and as a result make the mistake of thinking I’m a fellow Men’s Rights Advocate (I’m not. In fact my attitude toward the Men’s Rights crowd is pretty similar to Roosh’s).

That got me thinking... I don't much care for that stuff either, though my reasons are different.

Sure, a lot of anti-feminism comes down to wanting to favor loser guys at the expense of normal guys, and that I will never understand. I can understand, though, why some guys complain about having to pay massive child support, getting screwed in divorce court etc. That stuff causes a ton of harm. Still, I could never bring myself to argue that those child support and divorce laws should be changed. The reason is I understand what they're for and who they're aimed at.

Child support isn't needed to keep children from starving; children in this country haven't starved due to poverty in decades. It's needed to keep guys like me from having a dozen children with a dozen different women. Punitively expensive divorce is there to keep guys like me from divorcing a woman when her attractiveness declines faster than mine, and replacing her with a younger equivalent. Sure, I could complain that I want to have lots of children with lots of different women, and trade wives for a younger model every five years, but I have to admit that the fact that I can't afford either makes society more stable and makes the world a better place.

I guess in the old days we had social sanctions against these kinds of behaviors, but that isn't going to work anymore, and we need something else in place. Having the government make my desires very expensive seems to be the solution we've arrived at. Of course this is unfair and a lot of relatively innocent guys get hammered by these laws. Their lives are ruined as collateral damage. There probably is a better way of accomplishing the same thing, though I wouldn't count on the old social sanctions making a comeback - the old equilibrium can never be stable in an era of condoms, vacuum cleaners and washing machines. So, I don't have any ideas and for the time being I'm willing to put up with the current laws as better than any other option.

Seeing our child develop has been an enriching experience. We've been told by others to take many pictures, and it's easy to see why after looking at pictures from a few days old, then fast forwarding to now - nearly four months old.

We're already seeing a bit of a personality develop. Interesting and funny observations include giggling almost uncontrollably in the bathtub; shouting at his 'mobile'; the fact that he can already support his head very well and can sit in a Bumbo chair for a while. It can't be overstated how fortunate we feel that not only is he sleeping very well, but that he's healthy.

Things have been extremely stressful too, as we're moving in early January and work has ramped up. That added to the holidays has been a bit much, but this is where extended family comes in. Siblings and parents are usually more than willing to help so they can spend time with this baby who will rapidly change and develop over the next year. Even with a baby that is, relatively speaking, easy to care for, the help is always appreciated when one needs to pack, have a break, a date night, whatever. Maintaining healthy relationships across the entire family, and both sides of it, takes on added importance.

Some scientists tried to perform a valuable service for fat guys by finding out just how much money they have to make in order to attract women. The resulting amount is much lower than I'd have expected, but then again the research was on married couples, so the dynamics there are very different. I suspect single women are a lot more sensitive to lardassness in guys.

This sentence from the abstract made me laugh, though:

Interestingly, these findings suggest that female physical attractiveness plays a larger role in men's assessment of a woman than male physical attractiveness does for women.

Equally "interestingly", some other researchers suggest that some women have boobs. Sure, it's good sometimes for science to demonstrate that obvious things are true, especially if it can also put some specific numbers on them. But don't call this kind of discovery "interesting" unless for some reason you're trying to live up to the worst socially clueless nerd stereotypes.

Once the emotional rush of becoming a parent is over, and the child needs routine and begins to grow, parents can sometimes fall into bad habits. If you haven't had time to work out or take care of yourself, it's hard to get back into those routines.

Even though work has been more and more busy lately, I figure since I'm not sleeping much, I might as well join a gym and get some workout time in early in the morning. These days, I'm up at 5am, at the gym with my laptop and clothes for the day at 6am, and at my desk around 7:30.

This includes weightlifting and cardio. The mistake I made when I peaked too quickly last time I was in a great workout routine, was doing just cardio. No abs, no weights. Alex and Martin would be horrified.

This time, I met with a personal trainer and told her of my back issues, so she set up a routine where I can lift pretty much nonstop for a half-hour, and I can choose to do some physical therapy and ab work for my back in between sets, then get on the treadmill for a half hour or more. It's dark and cold in New England in the early morning hours at this time of year, so running outside can be a problem.

Getting into this routine has helped. Our new house purchase is moving along too, so I'm already dreaming up ways to make the basement into a workout area: BRT ball, maybe some kettle weights, and down the line a treadmill for days that running outside isn't an option.

Despite the insanity of piles of work and a baby to take care of, staying in shape, be it via workout routine or doing things around the house as Alex has pointed out, is important. When children see their parents as strong, in good shape, and having energy to do things with them instead of always seeming exhausted, lazy, and watching TV during down time, it will only benefit them in the future. For me, getting back into good shape is preparation for doing things around the house, as well as doing outdoorsy stuff with my son when he is old enough to appreciate them - hikes, going to the beach, swimming, and sports.

During the overwhelming first three months of becoming a parent, what is sometimes called "the fourth trimester", exhaustion sometimes takes a back seat to the emotional rush of being a new parent. For parents who are confident in their ability to raise a child with strong values, this is especially true. It also helps that our three month old is sleeping through the night, though with some recent adjustments that have to occur depending on the sleeping situation.

For example, at first our son was in a basinette and right by our bed. He wouldn't know whether we were in the room with him or not, so this doesn't spoil your child, despite what some people say. All they know is that sleeping and eating and being held are needed, nearly constantly.

Now that he is drooling and probably getting ready to cut a tooth, he's also bigger. So we need to stop swaddling him at night - otherwise he could roll over and not be able to adjust himself to breathe. Getting rid of the swaddle from the night time routine is a challenge because the child will inevitable wake up more often without the comfort of being tightly wrapped. This has been the case for us, but still, we consider ourselves lucky in that our son sleeps very well for being so young.

His basinette was exchanged for a pack n' play as he outgrew it, and it's just about time for him to begin using his own crib in his own room full time. Some parents have their children sleep in the same room for long periods of time, some parents even co-sleep with their children for long periods of time. With the purchase of a new home and getting ready to move in after the holidays, the timing couldn't be better for adjusting our son to his new environment while simultaneously getting used to sleeping without us being right there. It'll be a challenge, but one we feel we can meet.

Our son is nearly three months old, and we are grateful that everything is moving along for him nicely, in terms of his weight and general health. He now sleeps through the night, from around 7pm - 4 or 5am, and is generally agreeable (read: not colicy). Even after a small bout with a stomach bug, he's now back to eating normally and packing on more weight.

Now is also the time to ensure we're thinking about milestones down the road, as these three months is what some call "the fourth trimester" - just feed, love, and pay attention to the baby and your work as a parent is mostly done.

It's been a fun three months getting to know him, and we do have time to reflect on and laugh at parents who try to discipline their kids, or get them on a schedule when they're three WEEKS old, let alone three months. We've seen our son change before our very eyes, so we know a few things are coming up that we should be aware of:

• He'll be able to roll around soon, so swaddling has to end (if wrapped up like a burrito, cute as it is, he may get stuck without use of his arms if he flips himself over onto his tummy). It comforts him, as does white noise from the air conditioner in the room which we still run even this late for his sake, but we'll need to transition him out of these habits and hope he's as good a sleeper without some of these things as he is now.
• Teething will most certainly occur, it's just a matter of when. We're expecting in another month or so. We are prepared with some tools to lighten the pain - teething biscuits, rings, and other assorted chewable items one can put in the freezer to give the baby something comfortable to chew on.
• In another month or so, he'll be crawling around. So the time has come to "baby proof" the house. That will involve common sense items such as outlet covers, maybe a gate, and cord wraps. There are debates about just how far parents need to go, but using common sense is usually a good gauge - no need to lock the liquor cabinet or hide the bleach in the basement just yet, if you're keeping an eye on your child.
• Recently, we took him to a restaurant with my mother in law. He was great, found a fan and some lights to stare at, and was generally agreeable. But he still can't support his own head so we won't be doing that too often until he can as it's difficult to drag the baby seat in with us and keep him in there.
• It's easy to let one's marriage go and focus solely on the child. Beyond the occasional night out, parents need to maintain a loving relationship with each other during this great time. I believe we've struck a good balance in knowing that while our child requires round-the-clock care for the time being, we won't grow into a couple of comfortable old shoes too quickly - we're simply too interested in each other and look at this time as family time, not just "baby" time.
• Socializing is a tough subject as it's received some bad press recently. Look no further than George Carlin for an honest, hard look at what he calls a "sophisticated form of child abuse." People have taken the idea of socializing as an opportunity to force their kids into rigid schedules. Kids don't belong on rigid schedules, they should be using their imaginations and generally free to do what they want - safely and within reason - with other children as they grow. So there will be no force-fitting our children into an Outlook calendar of swimming lessons, play groups, and day care. Swimming lessons and play groups are fine, as long as it's just a piece of a strong, healthy upbringing. What a child needs are his parents and family at this very early stage of life - pay no mind to the parents who try preparing their children for Kindergarten entrance exams before they turn one year old. These are not the type of people you want to socialize with regularly or get parenting tips from.

Most of my relatives should know by now that our child will not be baptized in the Church (Catholic, I guess is what you'd call it). Even though I was brought up Catholic, and received sacraments all the way up to Confirmation when I was 15 years old, my wife and I opted not to marry in the church. For her part, she comes from a religious family as well, and yet her mother was supportive 100% with the idea that we do what we feel is best. Religion is hardly worth it if you feel guilted or forced into receiving some of the most precious sacraments.

While my wife's family has their share of religious zeal (luckily this is in the extended part of her family), we don't see them often. On my side, I do see my extended family somewhat frequently, so the questions are starting to pour in about baptism dates. I haven't yet had the heart to tell them that there will be no baptism, silly: if we weren't married in the church, what priest would baptize our baby anyhow? The problem is, logic doesn't apply to the people I'm dealing with.

Religion is touchy, as there are all matters of tradition, not all of it healthy, that get wrapped into that one word and idea. My mother has a gown that plenty of her family had worn during baptism. There are priests my family and my wife's family knows. There's even my own personal Catholic guilt, still rolling around back there in my mind: is it okay to not baptize the baby? Maybe we should just to be safe?

Having a child was already a life-affirming experience, and I wouldn't want to ruin that by going through the motions of a ceremony intended to save the soul of a child supposedly born with "original sin". My wife says it best: "I don't think a newborn has ever done anything wrong, so how can they say someone so young needs to be saved?" Besides, baptism used to be performed in adulthood, when one could at least make a conscious decision to be baptised or not. If my son wants to be Christian or Catholic later in life, I won't stop him, but at least it will be his choice.

Yesterday was the eight week mark for our little bundle. By now, his vision begins to clear up and he is recognizing and distinguishing faces. So those first genuine smiles have come in and he's now smiling regularly whenever he sees his mother or father, or just about anyone who gives him the time of day. Obviously, there's little else that is more rewarding as a parent of a newborn. His sleep patterns are settling in slowly, such that he might sleep for 8 hours at a time at night. Newborns cannot typically put themselves to sleep, but he has done so a few times. Usually he just needs to see his mother's face before falling asleep and then he's out for a while.

My wife decided to take a work shift or two here and there. Nothing regular yet, really just a way for her to get out of the house and make a little extra money. She's only taking shifts during times when she knows I'm home. It gives me some time alone with the baby, but also reminds me that I don't have that safety net of Mommy close by to take him if he acts up or if I need a break.

Since that time, I've said to my wife on more than one occasion: "I admire and respect what you have to do all day while home alone with this child." Little angel though he is most of the time, it truly is a full time job caring for a child or chlidren - and we're lucky in that he sleeps for hours each night and is rarely ever inconsolable.

Even eight weeks in, I still feel good about even my own social life. All I really ever do is get together with one or two friends every week or two. Sometimes a bunch of us will get together and play a poker game, which we've still managed to do occasionally. So there really haven't been any issues of frustration such as, "I never get out of the house". If anything, I make sure I give my wife ample opportunity to head out and do what she needs to do to get a breather, but she hasn't needed to take me up on it too often.

The only concern at this point is ensuring we keep his mind engaged and developing. It's a bit early to worry about it too much, as long as he is seeing his parents and given the opportunity to observe things. But we try to make sure we go out for walks, that one of us read to him regularly, that he gets good face time with us, and that he gets "tummy time" to develop those arms and chest, so he grows up to be like Martin.

Recently, I was accused of being a eugenicist on Facebook, by someone I've known for years. This all came about because I gently steered him toward my theory that humans have nearly worn out our welcome on this planet and maybe it's time we trim our numbers down by about 19/20ths so we can rebuild in a more natural, organic way. That, or maybe a nice ice age comes along and buries most of our cities so we're no longer a blight. He, on the other hand, believes the Earth can sustain 100 billion humans with no issues whatsoever - just a note, that's over fourteen times our current population.

My views were hard to understand for him, as he's a conspiracy theorist and didn't get to the point of figuring out how humanity could effect such a change, only worried about "freedom and liberty", and thus blocked my account after getting the last word. This was after I decided to spin it from a father's perspective, and tell him that I know what child rearing takes, in terms of man-hours at a hospital, stress, nine months of waiting, resources, clean water, available food, distribution resources for all these supplies made elsewhere, etc. just so that one baby can make it from prenatal to postnatal care with no problems...Oh and don't forget those doctors, with their American post-grad degrees. That OB/GYN who delivered our son? He's about $100K in debt before he ever sees his first patient.

Of course, much of these niceties are a wall built around ourselves. If left to mother nature, most births would go just fine, but some babies would die during childbirth as mortality rates are higher in nature, all else being equal. I certainly can't imagine life without my son now, so I appreciate the medical technology. But I do have the perspective to note that no matter what we do, we will never be able to save every single baby and give him those precious first few weeks of constant parental attention, doctor's visits, warm blankets, and formula/milk. It's just impossible, at least with seven billion people on the planet: humanity cannot organize at that level and the resources are becoming too scarce.

The hilarious irony in my (former?) friend's rants, per the linked post above, is that he believes in the New World Order and secret societies controlling humanity behind closed doors. Centralized authority loves groups of stupid people in small areas, and with 100 billion people it would actually be easier, not more difficult, to continue centralizing authority. Spreading humanity out with fewer numbers would decentralize authority organically, as it's more difficult - and less attractive - to try and rule more people in far corners of the globe.

As a parent, my views on population, humanity, and life have only been strengthened each time I come home from work and look in my son's eyes. Reducing population globally can still be done safely and voluntarily, or even through more aggressive foreign policy such as "no more aid to dictators who show no regard for their own population". Why this is so hard to understand for so many people who fail to see the endgame of overpopulation boggles the mind.

My wife and I are generally productive in conversation. We don't yak about BS very often, and we usually aren't talking about TV programs. We talk about hopes, dreams, buying a house, and then the nitty gritty stuff like budgeting and more immediate planning regarding bank accounts and savings, as well as what's best for our son and what we can do to ensure we remain good parents.

Conversation without action gets old, though. We've been reminded of this lately, being in New England with some early snowfall and cooler temperatures fast settling in the area. We have no shortage of activities to keep us busy, even in a relatively small apartment. Our son will keep us busy well through the winter, but during down time, to avoid needless conflict & cabin fever, we will need to ensure we're kept busy with other things. Keep in mind television is generally not considered a viable option for us.

Two nights ago we had our first official "date night" out: dinner and a movie. We had a good time, even while missing our son, who was in the care of a trusted family member. We made sure we went to a nice restaurant, ate appetizer through dessert, and got a couple of drinks to loosen up and enjoy each other's company, then saw a horrible Hollywood film about...I don't remember, actually; there were too many young teenagers and pre-teens making too much noise and throwing things at each other. If it was just normal course of business, my wife and I out on a date pre-baby, I would have been annoyed, but I was able to laugh at both the premise of the movie and the idiots who go to movies on a Friday night. Entertainment abounded.

Continuing to keep ourselves busy will be hard as temperatures dip into bitter territory within a couple of months. As a family, the best we can do is to ensure our minds are occupied and take the few nice and unseasonably warm winter days and head outside, barring ice and snow barriers all over the sidewalks. Even spending too much time with extended family can get old, if there are relatives all too happy to volunteer information or advice for your newborn, which only leads to needless quibbling and damaged egos.

It will be an interesting winter, being our first as parents. Happy parents though we are, we will need to ensure we are kept busy and get out a couple times per month, and maintain our patience with each other when cabin fever strikes.

When babies are just born, small curls of the mouth upward when passing gas will look like 'smiles'. Babies are not actually capable of social smiles until well after one month old...and it's interesting, because as a new parent, you certainly notice the difference between the two.

Now that our son is over six weeks old, his gestures and expressions are becoming more obvious. When he's doing nothing but fidgeting around, as a newborn, one never really knows when he's passing gas, having a bowel movement, or is just plain fidgety/fussy. By six weeks, he's not quite as constantly fidgety while awake, especially when distracted with new faces, familiar faces, or activities like "tummy time" and being read to.

For most babies, social smiles appear around 6 to 8 weeks of age. These smiles are all the more welcome because babies’ crying also peaks around the same time. Some 6-week-old babies may cry for 2 hours a day, often in short spurts with one longer spurt in the late afternoon.

My wife was home when she saw his first social smile in response to her. He likes to relax in a baby chair with a vibrating mechanism running (this helps relieve gas pains; milocon also helps). She left to take a shower and he was crying when she returned, but as soon as her face was in his line of vision, his eyes lit up and there it was: the baby's first smile at his mother. Now it has become a frequent occurrence to expect a smile whenever one of his parents is around and he is alert.

At night, he is being an angel, for the most part. Where some kids are colicy, our son has even put himself to sleep on occasion, meaning it doesn't always take a half hour or hour of one of us rocking him - we can sometimes put him down when he's almost there and he'll drift off on his own. A lot of the stress and frustration of getting up at 3am to feed him melt away when we realize how rare it is for an infant to do this.

You see it on HGTV and TLC all the time: self-empowering home improvement projects; interviewed couples who are making their own assessment (damnit!) of what house to buy and what it needs to include; hipster-ish gay men talking down to clueless people about interior decorating. One wonders how people who have families actually have time to spend with one another, instead of always writing down ideas on what drapes to buy, which pastel color is considered "in" this week, and whether or not you really want to risk being caught with your pants down - or, rather, without a stainless steel and granite covered kitchen.

I've spoken in this space quite a bit about how keeping up with the Jones's isn't for us. That's the case for a few reasons:

• As a married couple, it's important to note that neither of us were brought up to mimic what people do on TV, an odd behavioral pattern that would be considered a sickness in a better culture.
• Materialism is worse than a zero-sum game: forever chasing the newer, bigger TV or newer set of counters is a recipe for alientation and resentment within one's family.
• The "Jones's", whoever and wherever they are, are likely nothing like us and we wouldn't care to keep up with them anyway.

The reason I mention this is because we live in New England, in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the country. We looked at houses recently and decided that if we wanted to stay in the convenient yet quaint little town in which we are currently living, we wouldn't be able to afford what you see on HGTV anyway, even if we wanted to. We're talking 1,000 square foot homes with decent little plots of land, needing paint, flooring, maybe even some windows and an electrical upgrade. The funny thing is that many contractors say the same thing: houses aren't built the way they used to be built. So there's no shame in getting a house with a kitchen that looks like something out of a 1960s Reagan family GE commercial. Who cares - guests? Likely not, since your guests are normally limited to friends and family. Small bedrooms? Well, you fit a bed and a piece of furniture or two and then you're creative about the rest of the space.

We could move to a town that's not as desirable, still expensive when compared to the national average but cheap in Massachusetts dollars. But we'd have no connection with that town and wouldn't feel a sense of roots, or a sense of purpose, in living there. We have grown to love the town we are in and want to become more involved in our community. Towns with cheaper real estate usually have odd zoning and are broken up into "nice" and "not as nice" sections, which only fosters resentment and infighting within the town and causes political corruption at the local level. Being in a nice town where people have more in common with each other is, to us, far better than any set of appliances Kate Gosselin received for selling her family out to a television show.