Since some loser began to symbolically harass me by putting up notes with the credentials of a political party and my name on them, some women in my work group have taken greater interest in me. Some have begun eye flirting or sending text messages at random times a day. I've even been invited home for food (God knows what else).

I cannot help but admit HBD bloggers like In Mala Fide and Roissy are basically right: women love danger, and men like to be dangerous.

But is it really "dangerous" to be associated with nationalist groups in Scandinavia? You better believe it. Whoever is trying to piss me off, I'd like to buy him or her a beer, because that person has just handed me free dating opportunities. This serves as inspiration for the rest of you men reading to take advantage of your nastiest secrets on the dating market.

All that stuff about being true to yourself, authentic etc. does contain a grain of truth after all. Sure, I play music "like most people take out the mail, or pour milk on their cereal, or pump gas" and will play just about any style, even music I'm not interested in ever listening to. That means I can play a lot more than people who are picky about only playing styles they like, make more money, meet more interesting people, learn more etc. Who wouldn't want all that?

In one way, though, playing something which accurately reflects your life and personality does have a benefit. The women who are into that music tend to be much better candidates for meaningful long-term relationships. They aren't horribly disappointed when they find out that you aren't really the avant-garde drone pop kind of guy who thinks more listenable music is beneath him.

So if you're like me and usually playing in four-five different bands (six at the moment), it's good to make one of them something that's all about things that are important to you and make up big chunks of your life. It's worth it even if other bands you could play in instead are better in other ways.

I guess what I really need is to find a way to put these two things together...

That could be a tall order... but if I could pull it off I'm sure I'd meet the perfect woman, or even quite a few of them.

I ran across a research paper which found that while the average guy would like to have a lot more muscle, the average woman prefers men with only slightly above-average muscle mass.

Now, I could try to poke holes in this - say that university students' preferences are weird and they should go ask some farmgirls at a disco, or that you should always trust what women actually want and never what they say they want, but let's take this finding at face value. Assume everything in this study is true, and also assume that your only goal in life is to attract more desirable women. If you're a muscular guy, should you lose a bunch of muscle for the sake of the ladies?

Naaaah. I can think of two good reasons why you should keep growing more meat on your bones. One is that women like socially dominant men. For most of us being bigger and stronger than other guys helps achieve that. They'll take you over the better-looking guy who thinks you're more man than him.

Two is that this study is talking about "the average woman", and there are plenty of non-average women as well. Now, I know that when told women don't like something he does, damn near every guy tries to hide behind "well, most women don't, but the ones who are really worth it love it". That's bullshit, of course. No matter who you are, plenty of women who are really worth it hate you and hate what you do. You should be man enough to admit it to yourself. However, there are also plenty of women who prefer meaty dudes, and they sure seem to be more plentiful than the meaty dudes they crave. In other words, the distribution of women's tastes is wider than the distribution of guys' meatiness, and us bigger guys don't have as much competition. Average guys are plentiful - it's a meat market and you want to be in short supply!

I do suspect that there is a grain of truth to this study, though. Whether it captures women's preferences accurately or not, men do care about how big and strong they are a lot more than women do.

With Christmas finally here, many of us are going to spend a lot of time talking to many relatives we haven't seen in a while. Then on New Year's Eve we're going to spend a lot of time hitting on everybody else's girlfriends at the party, or whatever it is you do. That's a lot of conversations with people with whom you may have little in common. Here is one way of finding common ground in a difficult subject.

Guys generally have a hard time explaining guy hobbies to women. No matter whether you're doing the explaining or being poorly explained to, it helps to generalize the subject and describe it as guys competing for status. For example, here's how I managed to explain fantasy football to a couple of women.

I start off with the idea that guys like to argue about sports and try to prove who knows the most about sports. Those arguments are difficult to actually settle, though, so there is rarely a clear winner and loser. Fantasy football gives us a way to actually quantify the "Rooney or Drogba" argument and find a winner there, plus it also requires some knowledge of obscure players who are cheap. It basically lets guys prove who actually knows more about sports, and winning your mini-league makes you more respected and important in your circle of friends.

Women will generally roll their eyes and think "wow, guys sure are stupid", but they'll understand what it's about. They'll also think you must be very smart and perceptive if you can explain guy stuff in a way that they get. Sure, it's a vast simplification (you don't want to explain that being good at math is just as important as understanding the players' skills) and a lot of guy stuff is not only about competition, but even fishing and hunting contain a large element of showing other guys you're better than them. Some other things guys do are, of course, about showing women you're better than other guys, but women don't generally need that explained to them.

Of course "guy stuff" doesn't include male-dominated nerd activities, whether it's reenacting medieval combat or watching science fiction movies. That's nerd stuff, not guy stuff, and there is no good explanation for it.

Some scientists tried to perform a valuable service for fat guys by finding out just how much money they have to make in order to attract women. The resulting amount is much lower than I'd have expected, but then again the research was on married couples, so the dynamics there are very different. I suspect single women are a lot more sensitive to lardassness in guys.

This sentence from the abstract made me laugh, though:

Interestingly, these findings suggest that female physical attractiveness plays a larger role in men's assessment of a woman than male physical attractiveness does for women.

Equally "interestingly", some other researchers suggest that some women have boobs. Sure, it's good sometimes for science to demonstrate that obvious things are true, especially if it can also put some specific numbers on them. But don't call this kind of discovery "interesting" unless for some reason you're trying to live up to the worst socially clueless nerd stereotypes.

I don't pay for any of her expenses. Why should I? In an ideal world, e.g. going back 50 or so years, a man could ask a woman out on a date and he'd cover everything, because the woman would immediately feel closer to you and want to hook up for real. Today women just want to freeride on whatever they can get their hands on.

I don't take off her coat at restaurants. It's a nice gentlemanly thing to do, but it'll be expected of you to do it as well in the future. I might hand her the coat or help her to take it on again, but that's slightly different.

I don't smile when I don't have to. If what she says is not funny or interesting, why pretend it is? Again, if you smile too much, it'll be expected of you that you smile all the time, which no man will live up to.

I don't take her out bowling/pooling/laserdooming/whatever. This is mostly an activity for friends, not for more intimate socialization. If you take a woman out to play pool, you essentially say you just want to be friends and have fun. Playing games is something you want to do much later on when you're already close to each other.

I don't go out with her friends and she doesn't go out with mine. Simple rule: friends get in the way, especially her friends, which will evaluate every single thing you say or do, which will make you prone to defensive behavior. Female friends will test you in all sort of ways, and it will affect your date's judgement. I have no problem meeting her friends, but prefer to do so at a later stage when I already have some control.

I don't say what I feel for her. This should be obvious. The quicker you are to communicate how you feel, the more it seems to her like she's in control and can pretty much act any way she wants to. Just give her a hint of what you're about and let her think about the rest. It doesn't matter if what she thinks is even remotely close to reality. Let her dream.

I don't mix in alcohol into the picture. I don't really like to get drunk in any situation, especially not on a date. You'll simply say stupid shit you'll regret later and open yourself up in a vulnerable way that's going to cost you something in the long run. If you want to drink alcohol, have a beer, but let it stay there. Besides, most women are unbearable when they're tipsy.

I don't ask about her age. [---]

I don't bombard her with messages the next day (although I would like to). Stay chill.

Driving across three countries means a lot of time to kill, and on a recent trip one of my bands had nothing better to do than discuss the all-important question of whether I'm really an evil, mean and horrible person or whether I just act like that but am really nice on the inside.

This went on for a while, with the lead singer claiming that she's really bitchy and meaner than me and the drummer and pianist complaining that I'm always saying nasty things to them, until the flute player chimed in:

"You're attractively evil - only evil when it's the sort of evil women are attracted to."

Correct! And damn proud of it, too!

If I see something I want, I immediately must have it. So when me and a friend stumbled upon a cute girl in the book store last weekend, I knew I was going to ask her out sooner or later (we were going to party quite heavily that day, so it wasn't the right time to ask). Very well; this week I was assigned to make a cultural photograph session of the city. Part of the assignment included taking front-up portraits. Bingo!

15 minutes before close down I went into the same store, hoping that same girl would still be by the counter. I was right. My plan: seal my portrait session and a date at the same time, while getting something to eat. I didn't present myself by name or occupation. I simply said I was making a cultural presentation of the city and wanted to capture the book store, her included. She got very nervous and really didn't want to appear on camera, so my photograph plan went down the drain.

Oh well, I went around in the store to take a few photos at random, then I returned just before they closed and asked her out to dinner. Unfortunately she was going to have dinner at her parents' place. I didn't let it go. We talked about literature, philosophy and life in general for some time. When she wasn't smiling, her whole face was glowing nervously red. Lastly I took her number. All I had to do was to not let her go with my eyes, close the deal and walk out.

When I was walking back home it was freezing cold, but I could feel nothing but pulsating dopamine flowing through my veins. The same feeling I get whenever I stack up more weights at the gym and then go wild on carbs, which usually results in me walking on walls. Love is a feeling of gleaming triumph, like standing on top of a gigantic snow mountain and giving the whole world your finger, but with the creeping knowledge that in a month from now that same feeling will make you break chairs and strangle anything in sight. That's how powerful love is.

Although I share some aspects of Martin's nerd hating, I am not from a peasant background and have friends only among the middle class. It is still worth to emphasize that being too nerdy in general about anything will effectively lower your social status, except if you make something fun of it (at my dorm I am known as "the Hulk," because I eat all the time and throw chairs around when I'm happy).

To the story: for several months now I've watched the classic nerdy love story unfold before my eyes. Nerdy, cute girl is being stalked constantly by nerdy guy. He wants her so bad any man can smell it in the air, yet all he dares to do is to play thumb games with her. At first it's kind of cute, then it's just pathetic, because he knows what every man knows: if you don't take risks, you can't win anything. Me and a couple of other guys have bullied him now and then for it, because we like him and the girl, but nothing happens.

Today I think I made him change his mind. It was easy. I simply walked up to him when he was alone and said: "It's one month from now. You see her in the living room. She's hugging a guy in the sofa. They're making out. He's stroking her back..no wait, he's stroking her ass. Suddenly you come in. She looks at you, smiles, says hi nervously. The guy doesn't even look at you, he just continues to fondle with her hair. They continue to make out while moaning. Then you go into your room and lock the door. Repeat at least ten times a month."

The look on his face was priceless. Tomorrow he'll ask her out, or he'll die wishing he did.

Out of curiosity me and a friend visited a metal club last Friday. The argument went something like "we're tired of the usual places to meet girls, this place has to be interesting." We couldn't be more wrong.

The DJ was a moron who suddenly stopped playing music, then began playing again, as if he'd never mixed music in his life. And only spotty, long-haired guys everywhere, jerking around the bar and screaming. Where were the girls? The few ones that seemed to exist were far from attractive and basically every rare hottie was already occupied on the dance floor, fending off four to five ultra-horny metal heads. Hilarious.

We also spotted a guy we'd almost gotten into a fight with some time ago. We left the place, pretty disappointed. Metal clubs work like punk clubs and feminist gatherings. These are places where homogeneous groups unite under something more central than socialization, like music or ideas. This means that if you like metal, you're likely to enjoy listening to music and drinking beer at a place like this. If you want to meet a variety of interesting people--forget it.

I've been to metal clubs before, but only for concerts, not really in search of pick-up opportunities. I don't really understand why you'd want to spend a night at a place where lots of nerdy guys are listening to techno-versions of Iron Maiden themes and fighting over a handful of unattractive girls. I guess it's a cultural thing.

Recognizing how selfish most people are, I really don't understand why many shy away from sometimes exploiting vulnerabilities in other people to get what you want. Everyone does it all the time, because we all recognize that people are tools. Use them to your advantage, or they'll use you. This is especially useful when it comes to dating.

As a student, you don't have a whole lot of money but much desire for love, so you might as well kill two birds with one stone. A recent example I highly recommend: almost all students buy very expensive literature, but at many courses, especially at the humanities, only a fraction of those books are really needed to pass the course. Since you might want to save money for more important things like food and beer, I've lately simply stopped buying books altogether.

The ones I really need, I borrow from a library or a friend. The ones I desperately need but cannot buy for some reason, I get from shy girls. Recently I needed four pages from a book I'd never imagine myself buying. So I talked about an assignment with my group, after which one cute girl explained she did have the book. Awesome, I said, why don't we go and make a few copies for everyone? She agreed, being kind but shy, and we all took a freeride, not only on her book, but also on her copy card (at universities, few things come for free). I even let her do the copying--she insisted.

How could I ever thank her? Not by giving her ten Swedish crowns like one other guy did, or buy her cheap coffee. I simply asked her out on a beer. If she'd said no, I wouldn't care--I just got several pages put in my hand for free. Since she kind of said yes but maybe, I can expect to meet her again in a more private environment, which may not be a date, but a possible introduction to some kind of friendly relation. Whatever happens, I cannot lose. I've gained a friend and a handful of expensive academic papers. Life is good when you know how to play it.

An assman who takes every opportunity to denigrate any group of men he doesn't belong to writes this about musicians:

And if you thought that guys aren't trying to look tough or impress anyone at Starbucks, saving that preening instead for the bar that night, guess again. You can't get them to shut up about the deal they're supposedly closing, the gig that their loser band has, bla bla bla.

He may be obnoxious but he's also observant. Yeah, most people in bands take every opportunity to tell everyone where and when they're gigging. On one level ceaseless self-promotion makes sense, because the more people you bring in and the more drinks they buy the happier the bar owner will be that he hired you. Finding ways to stick your band into every conversation doesn't really work, though. That kind of behavior is only acceptable if it's a completely new band and you're a teenager. Otherwise it's annoying - it's a much better idea to talk about it a lot less than the average guy in a band does.

People who know you should know that you play in a band or a few bands, and you can occasionally bring it up when they ask what you did last weekend or if you "still play that violoncello or whatever it was". Never say how awesome it is that you get to play in some bar - act like it's no big deal. This is something I've heard NFL announcers say about rookie players scoring their first touchdowns and celebrating: "act like you've done it before". It doesn't matter if you play in public once every few months, make it seem like you do it all the time and you're not desparate for people to come see you. You can even "discourage" people from coming saying "that's a pretty small bar and it's always damn crowded when we play so to be honest you might wanna come to one of our other gigs instead". That makes it clear that you're successful enough to fill bars to capacity and gig regularly.

Now, sure, if you meet an attractive someone that you'll probably never run across again it's tempting to say "hey, wanna come to my band's show on Thursday?" but that translates into "I'd like to see you again but I'm a wuss who fears rejection and don't want to actually ask you out". It is a good way to evade outright rejection as few people will flat out tell you "no, I'm not interested in your shitty band" - they'll probably say "maybe" and then not show up or "I'd love to but I'm busy that night". Of course being a musician generally makes you more interesting, but don't act like it's your entire existence and you have nothing else going for you. Instead mention it obliquely, like "Wanna meet for drinks sometime next week? I'm pretty busy this weekend because I've got a gig to play with one band and a recording session with another".

If all this is sounding like something Roissy would say about demonstrating higher value and maintaining aloofness, yeah, this stuff works for picking up girls. A large subset of pickup artist skills, though, will also make your male friends think you're more interesting and worthy of respect. Some time ago Steve Sailer wondered if "Game" can be used to make guys think you're high-status and the answer is yes. As the always amusing Sergeant D wrote as part of a concert review:

Anyway, I've been seeing this girl and things are going well, so I'm turning my attention from chicks to making more friends that are dudes. The great thing about the Mystery Method is that it works with any group of strangers, not just the ladies! For example, I saw a three set of old hardcore dudes standing near me, and deployed my gambit. "Hey," I asked, "you guys look old and tired like me, how late is this show supposed to last?" I took it from there, looking for IOIs and threading to new material accordingly, and before long I had three new friends.

And even if it won't make your band (or whatever else it is that you can't shut the fuck up about) more successful at least you'll be a lot less annoying.

Sometimes it's good to confirm the really obvious with scientific data, and here is some about drunk women and sex:

Researchers, who surveyed 3000 women aged 18-50, found on average they slept with eight men, but were drunk with at least five, and on two occasions couldn't remember the man's name the next day, the Herald Sun reports.

Four out of 10 had been tipsy when sleeping with a partner for the first time.

The study found 75 per cent of women liked to drink before getting into bed with their husband or boyfriend, and 6 per cent had never had sex sober.

More than half claimed drinking with a prospective partner was "part of the dating process" so were a bit drunk when they had sex.

It also revealed 14 per cent of women in a relationship can't sleep with their partner without a couple of glasses of wine beforehand.

The Herald Sun writer thinks all this means that "women drink alcohol before having sex because they lack confidence in their bodies". I guess that's why the really hot women who have plenty of confidence and massive egos from dozens of men hitting on them every day never drink. If only uglier women had more confidence then they'd also stop drinking, just like the real hotties. Oh, wait... yeah, that's obviously bullshit. Women drink before sex for pretty much the same reason most people drink in all kinds of situations - to lower their inhibitions and enjoy life more. Many women are just plain better in bed when they're slightly drunk, and men might be too. That's probably why many older married guys drink a glass of cognac or wine every evening.

All this reminds me of a hyphothesis I heard somewhere that alcohol helps humans evolve towards more serious and responsible personalities. I don't know who came up with it, it might have been Steve Sailer, but basically the hypothesis goes that alcohol can help uptight people loosen up and be more social in the evenings, therefore allowing them to be serious and productive during the day without being boring nerds with no personality all the time. That gives them a reproductive advantage over both the uptight people who don't drink and those who are always uninhibited even when sober. I have no idea how true this is, but at least it seems plausible.

Whether that hypothesis is true or not what many of these women are doing just plain makes sense and makes their sex lives, and lives in general, better. It's easy to overdo it, though... I know it's tempting.

The downside, though, is definitely unpleasant.

Will Truman feels guilty because he is not attracted to really fat women. Now, most of us are content to say "why date the morbidly obese when I can do better?" and never feel any pangs of conscience, but for those of us who can't, just think of the children. It's a very good idea to want your potential children to be healthy and attractive, isn't it? That seems to be the real reason we're disposed to find fat people unattractive.

Now, in my case, I theoretically shouldn't mind too much, should I, with my "lose weight eating five kilos of meat a week" metabolism and all? If you want your children to have great potential or just have it easy in life, you should in theory seek out mates who have plenty of the qualities you're missing. Forget it, though. I guess my natural human instincts don't adjust for the fact that any children I have with skinny women will be awful expensive to feed.

HT: Ilkka

Alex and Bhetti's posts about status are making me return to a question that's been on my mind lately: why do people bother to enter politics? It might be the ultimate high-status job, with the amount of control you exercise over other peoples' money, but you can't really use that status to get the kind of things high status normally gets you in society.

For one thing, you can't get all that much money for yourself - you could probably make more as a CEO or business owner. All the power you have will make your life easier in some ways, but on the other hand the job has to be extremely stressful. Sure, thousands if not millions of members of the opposite sex want to have sex with you, but you can't just go banging teenagers if you want to remain in politics.

I guess some people just love power that much, or they want to make the world a better place (and the second kind worry me much more than the first). But I'd like to focus on the part about banging teenagers. Politics would have to be an extremely frustrating job to someone like Roissy or TC Luoma. Just imagine... all those girls want you, but if you indulge too much your job and most of your hard-won status will be gone... then far smaller numbers of girls will want you. Argh!

Sure, some politicians had notoriously high sex drives, like Strom Thurmond, but they seem to be exceptions in multiparty democracies where they have to fight for elections. Democratic politics attracts mostly boring people with low sex drives.

No wonder so many of their laws seem to be aimed at preventing the rest of us from having much fun.

Why are cognitively demanding fields such as math and science dominated by nerds? That's been one of life's litte mysteries which nobody paid much attention to because, well, nobody pays much attention to nerds. GNXP brings us the answer, though, from research looking into the effects of interacting with other people on cognitive performance:

The present research tested the prediction that mixed-sex interactions may temporarily impair cognitive functioning. Two studies, in which participants interacted either with a same-sex or opposite-sex other, demonstrated that men's (but not women's) cognitive performance declined following a mixed-sex encounter. In line with our theoretical reasoning, this effect occurred more strongly to the extent that the opposite-sex other was perceived as more attractive (Study 1), and to the extent that participants reported higher levels of impression management motivation (Study 2).

No wonder nerds do so well in cognitively demanding fields - because women, especially attractive women, avoid talking to them, their reasoning ability is not impaired. That allows them to use their brains fully in the service of science. Their natural repulsiveness can be a good thing after all.

We should be make even better scientific progress, though, if we took full advantage of the knowledge that good-looking women make the men around them stupider. It is tempting to say we should just keep women out of science, but I think that's unnecessarily harsh. Setting up separate scientific institutions for women is a better option, but it would be rather expensive and inefficient. Instead I propose that all women working in science or studying science (including those who need to take basic science courses as part of their university degrees in other fields) simply fatten themselves up to the point of repulsiveness. That's a simple and fair solution.

This research can be applied to any guy's daily life as well. If your wife or girlfriend calls you stupid, just answer "I'm not stupid, you're hot - it's science!"

Men who live in or near major cities have an odd modern challenge when it comes to meeting women: they have to "play the game" to meet as many women as possible and then choose from a crowd of them. This is because on the dating scene, no one is truly honest with each other in the beginning, and one always tends to find plenty of broken people in their path to finding the right one; a product of our modern social constructs at work, in our neighborhoods, and especially on the internet.

This apparently holds true even for men who hold great disdain for the so-called "game":

Q: I am a 33-year-old male. It seems to me like a man has to play games to get a woman to like him. I consider myself a nice guy. I have no problems getting dates, but it seems that if I am myself around women, they always end up telling me I'm "too nice" and they usually end up sleeping with or dating one of my friends, who isn't a nice guy. Eventually, I decided to stop being nice, intentionally, and start acting kind of cocky and indifferent to women. All of a sudden, the women I dated would be crazy about me, and constantly calling or texting me. They couldn't get enough of me, and it would be fun for awhile, but eventually I would get serious with someone and I wouldn't be able to keep up the act any longer, so I would start being nice and they would lose interest and break up with me. My question is, why do so many women say they want a nice guy, but in reality they don't? Why do woman like jerks? I want so much to find one nice woman, who really wants a nice guy, and who would appreciate me, but I've been dating for 17 years and have yet to find one. Should I keep trying to be myself? It hasn't worked for me so far -- or should I be this cocky and arrogant jerk that women seem to go for?

After reading the whole letter, it's tough to actually believe this is truly a nice guy who just keeps striking out - just think George Sodini. Like Sodini, there are other issues at play here; it's very likely by "nice", the writer is referring to the fact that he blends in with the crowd, discusses topical issues of the day that he reads about on Yahoo!, and buys the right products as well as having a nice smile. A huge warning sign that his personality is constructed out of thin air, though, is that he's able to turn off "nice" and turn on "cocky and indifferent" at will, something that's completely ignored by the columnist:

NGDFL, are you dating women your own age? I’m pretty sure that most mature women prefer nice guys. Try to date women who are peers. Try to date women who you’d describe as nice.

I'm also wondering how you define nice. Nice can be a problem if it means passive. Nice can be bad if it means wishy-washy. It's important to be assertive in relationships. Not mean, but honest and real. People want to feel as though they’re getting to know the real you. That means bad moods and all. If you’re working hard to be sweet and polite all the time, you might seem “too nice,” as in lacking the layers of personality that most people look for in a partner.

The columnist is so shaken by the idea that modern women could be called out for being psychologically broken, that she starts right in with assumptions: you must be dating college chicks who just want to party; your definition of nice must be wrong if you're striking out for so long.

And one wonders why guys like Sodini exist? Both here are wrong: The metrosexual's definition of "nice" is likely an issue as it's probably closer to "bland and uninteresting" in reality, combined with the idea that part of some women still want a Marlboro-Man-esque cowboy to come sweep them off their feet. Since these truths are politically incorrect, career types trudge on into the battlefield of bars and matchmaking websites, becoming more cynical instead of less in the dating process.

Being a transvestite, you wouldn't expect me to have much experience with orthodox guy-on-girl flirting. But that would be hateful bigotry against minorities so read this article and I won't report you.

Martin recently cracked open a couple of pickup lines and examined their innards. His second example of flirting was just bigotry against trannies, but I forgive him because he's actually a huge trannie on the inside. I only take issue with his criticism of the first pickup line:

AHHHHH YOU ARE SO HOT THAT I WOULD LITERALLY STICK MY TONGUE IN A LAWNMOWER JUST TO HANG OUT WITH YOU!!!!

Yes, this is hilarious. But in essence, complimenting a female straight away, or perhaps just a little later on, can actually prove very positive.

It is usually best to leave this for a few hours or maybe even days though. Beforehand, make sure you've been sufficiently asshole-ish, or look like enough of a cynic who actually has some standards, for the compliment to look really sincere. "Wow, this compliment is coming from you?!" Make sure she doesn't get complacent by thinking that further compliments are sure to come.

From first hand experience, I can tell you that simply going up to a girl in a club and telling her she is "incredibly attractive" right off can work sometimes (half the time, apparently). If she's been viewing you before you've come up to her, and you look like a halfway decent human being - maybe you're with some friends having a visibly good time, maybe you're dressed well or perhaps just good looking - this will increase the effectiveness of the compliment.

It depends a lot on the body language of the girl. To succeed you will have to rely heavily on the first stage of pick-up artistry - observation.

Take a while to view her in her natural habitat. If on the dance floor she seems conceited and is surrounded by the rest of her pride, male and female, don't bother. If she is with one or two other female friends, and she looks ready to receive, then there is no real reason why not to go right on in with a compliment, perhaps highlighting something unique about her (warning: not her race). If she's standing in the corner playing on a fruit machine with a fag in her hand, she's probably fat and 50 years old so you should leave her well alone.

Of course, it will work exceptionally well if in the blur of the night you've judged her wrong, and it turns out she is merely average or just above average in attractiveness. They will much appreciate the attention.

You know that even the British government thinks you should be having sex more often, so you should really get to work and find somebody to have that sex with. That means you might have to talk to people... but how to break the ice? Pickup artists use various standard lines, or as they call them "openers". Here are two examples from Dirty Tackle. Both lines are intended to be used by guys on women, and may not be directly applicable to other scenarios, but some of the general principles behind them apply to everyone.

AHHHHH YOU ARE SO HOT THAT I WOULD LITERALLY STICK MY TONGUE IN A LAWNMOWER JUST TO HANG OUT WITH YOU!!!! OF COURSE I WOULD PROBABLY STICK MY TONGUE IN A LAWNMOWER ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO DO THAT SOMETIMES AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DON’T JUDGE ME ON THAT!!!!!!

I’ve gone the extra mile and waxed my effeminate stems and pulled my black socks up extra high to give the illusion of a beautiful woman dressed as a businessman about to undergo a prostate exam. How can anyone resist the sexiness of such a scenario?

Let's look at those a little more closely and analyze whether they are likely to work.

AHHHHH YOU ARE SO HOT

This is a terrible start. Right away you tell the girl she's got you where she wants you already and doesn't have to work to earn your approval.

THAT I WOULD LITERALLY STICK MY TONGUE IN A LAWNMOWER JUST TO HANG OUT WITH YOU!!!!

This is also bad - nothing like admitting that you don't think you're good enough for your target and need to make sacrifices to make up for your inferiority.

OF COURSE I WOULD PROBABLY STICK MY TONGUE IN A LAWNMOWER ANYWAY JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO DO THAT SOMETIMES

All right, so the offered sacrifice isn't so big after all. This is an attempt to track back from the unworthy loser status of the previous sentence, but it is too little too late.

AND I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DON’T JUDGE ME ON THAT!!!!!!

All wrong. If you've got some qualities or aspects of your life that you suspect will be judged negatively, don't bring them up. If they come up somehow, either dismiss them with a joke or claim they are very positive and nothing to be ashamed of. Admitting that you think you'll be judged negatively and asking to not be judged at all shows fear and inferiority, which are just about the worst things when trying to pick up girls.

So, that one is a miserable failure. Let's try the second one and hope it's better.

I’ve gone the extra mile and waxed my effeminate stems and pulled my black socks up extra high to give the illusion of a beautiful woman dressed as a businessman about to undergo a prostate exam.

This is no good at all. If you're going with a provocative or attention-grabbing look, you should never start by talking about it or trying to explain it. If it works as intended, girls will respond more positively to your approaches when you base the approach on something else, or they might even initiate conversations with you. If it doesn't work then it's a failure to begin with - forget about it and just go with a different look next time. Don't try to explain it - if it needs the be explained then it doesn't work right in the first place, and no amount of explanation will help.

How can anyone resist the sexiness of such a scenario?

Again, there are several problems here. Why is this even a question? The sexiness you project should be unquestionable, or at least you should pretend you think it is. What's even worse is that by talking about how the scenario is sexy you make it obvious that you think you're not sexy yourself and need a sexy scenario as a crutch. Forget the scenario, just say "the sexiness" or "my sexiness" if you must. Again, though, we run into the same problem as with the previous sentence - if you need to talk about it because it's not obvious, the sexiness is already a failure.

So, the second line is even worse and more hopeless than the first. At least now you know what not to do, though. Perhaps next time we'll analyze something more useful. Or perhaps not.

Since so many people these days seem to hate themselves and the world they live in, I'm surprised there aren't any official groups where losers and nerds can gather to worship their beliefs. After all, if the Mormons and Satanists can, why not losers? As it turns out, someone else had already thought of this for a male audience:

David Alexander, frequent blogosphere commenter, extraordinarily successful troll, and often self-contradictory advocate for the supposed virtues of the celibate omega male way of life, has started a church — The Church of David Alexander — and a new religion, Davidalexanderism.

Here is his First Article of Faith:

Article The First: Betas must not reproduce or impose themselves upon women. These women are unwilling, only wishing to steal your money perhaps or shower you with contempt.

And the satirical co-bringer of organized power to self-loathing losers is none other than our precious Bhetti. May the Church of David Alexander troll our nerdy followers into co-action against the horrors of female tyranny!

HT: Roissy