The past month or so has been a bit crazy. We were asking for it when we wanted to do a house closing the day before New Year's Eve - crazy time of year usually followed by a lull turns into crazy time of year ramping up into an even crazier time.

It dawned on me recently that this is it. There may be other children, and our first child will be less needy (but likely still a handful) when we get further into his childhood. But once the house is organized to our liking, there will always be a project here, an errand there to do. Houses keep you busy, kids keep you busy. And of course, work keeps you busy.

It's unfortunate that people get lost in this busy-ness - it allows some of us ready-made excuses to disconnect from reality. In the midst of the busier times lately, it's not signing the documents to buy the house we'll remember, but rather the first night we spent in the house. It's not signing the checks or being able to borrow against the equity that you strive for, but rather building a good environment for one's family and sustaining it over time.

So we've paid particular attention to documenting some of the milestones we've seen our son experience during his fast growth. Still not quite six months old, this is what many parents are telling us is the "fun time": he's not quite mobile enough to realize there's more than just wiggling and kicking his legs, so he's content most times just to sit on someone's lap and smile, laugh, giggle. Now that he can fully support his head for a couple of minutes instead of just a few seconds, we're more comfortable taking him out on errands and to restaurants. He can even sit in a high chair for a bit and is eating solids. We've found this is a good time to continue giving a child lots of attention, showing him that he has loving parents. Giving them attention gives them confidence; not giving your child attention while you're in the same room as them can be detrimental to developing good social skills and social confidence. It all starts in the home, as they say. So whenever my son is in the same room as me, even if I have my work laptop open, I make it a point to make him laugh and give him some affection. Hearing him giggle, knowing he's fully content when he's in my arms, is one of the most rewarding things I've ever experienced.

My wife has also forged ahead with feeding the baby solids after we got the okay from our pediatrician. There's no shame in buying ready made baby food, but there is a cheaper alternative that is also more natural. Try buying some frozen vegetables - squash, peas, etc., always asking a pediatrician. You can use a food processor to process the food, then put it into ice cube trays and freeze it. The food is good this way for months; we just put the cubes into freezer bags and use it as we need to.

These are the types of milestones to document. When people told us, "take lots of pictures", I thought they were joking - of course we would take lots of pictures. It's easy to get wrapped up in what people call "real life" but ignore reality and not make time for the little things. We have a camera and can record video, so we make it a point to use them. Our parents did, and having those albums and videos around three or so decades later really does help make that connection to one's roots and upbringing stronger.

Our son is nearly three months old, and we are grateful that everything is moving along for him nicely, in terms of his weight and general health. He now sleeps through the night, from around 7pm - 4 or 5am, and is generally agreeable (read: not colicy). Even after a small bout with a stomach bug, he's now back to eating normally and packing on more weight.

Now is also the time to ensure we're thinking about milestones down the road, as these three months is what some call "the fourth trimester" - just feed, love, and pay attention to the baby and your work as a parent is mostly done.

It's been a fun three months getting to know him, and we do have time to reflect on and laugh at parents who try to discipline their kids, or get them on a schedule when they're three WEEKS old, let alone three months. We've seen our son change before our very eyes, so we know a few things are coming up that we should be aware of:

• He'll be able to roll around soon, so swaddling has to end (if wrapped up like a burrito, cute as it is, he may get stuck without use of his arms if he flips himself over onto his tummy). It comforts him, as does white noise from the air conditioner in the room which we still run even this late for his sake, but we'll need to transition him out of these habits and hope he's as good a sleeper without some of these things as he is now.
• Teething will most certainly occur, it's just a matter of when. We're expecting in another month or so. We are prepared with some tools to lighten the pain - teething biscuits, rings, and other assorted chewable items one can put in the freezer to give the baby something comfortable to chew on.
• In another month or so, he'll be crawling around. So the time has come to "baby proof" the house. That will involve common sense items such as outlet covers, maybe a gate, and cord wraps. There are debates about just how far parents need to go, but using common sense is usually a good gauge - no need to lock the liquor cabinet or hide the bleach in the basement just yet, if you're keeping an eye on your child.
• Recently, we took him to a restaurant with my mother in law. He was great, found a fan and some lights to stare at, and was generally agreeable. But he still can't support his own head so we won't be doing that too often until he can as it's difficult to drag the baby seat in with us and keep him in there.
• It's easy to let one's marriage go and focus solely on the child. Beyond the occasional night out, parents need to maintain a loving relationship with each other during this great time. I believe we've struck a good balance in knowing that while our child requires round-the-clock care for the time being, we won't grow into a couple of comfortable old shoes too quickly - we're simply too interested in each other and look at this time as family time, not just "baby" time.
• Socializing is a tough subject as it's received some bad press recently. Look no further than George Carlin for an honest, hard look at what he calls a "sophisticated form of child abuse." People have taken the idea of socializing as an opportunity to force their kids into rigid schedules. Kids don't belong on rigid schedules, they should be using their imaginations and generally free to do what they want - safely and within reason - with other children as they grow. So there will be no force-fitting our children into an Outlook calendar of swimming lessons, play groups, and day care. Swimming lessons and play groups are fine, as long as it's just a piece of a strong, healthy upbringing. What a child needs are his parents and family at this very early stage of life - pay no mind to the parents who try preparing their children for Kindergarten entrance exams before they turn one year old. These are not the type of people you want to socialize with regularly or get parenting tips from.

Instead of asking why we should bother with television at all, this blogger wants to figure out why some types of gratuitous behaviors are accepted in dreamland where others are not:

The violence-is-acceptable theme isn't limited to older audiences. Hey, Disney: What’s with the whole killing-off-of-the-parents thing? (Think Nemo, Bambi, The Lion King for starters.) Tom and Jerry and Bugs Bunny cartoons -- my childhood favorites -- are so violent that I cringed when I saw them recently, and was reluctant to let my preschooler watch them.

Meanwhile, people can get arrested for indecent exposure in their own homes, and TV dramas for teens (like BBC America's series, Skins) show little nudity but deal openly and explicitly with sex.

Who cares what is allowed on television? That's a fantasy world of media archetypes. Not something I would want my child spending a lot of time with. We like to think that TV somehow reflects our cultural values, that somehow allowing violence to be shown vs. nudity implies we accept it more. Maybe, or maybe the corporations which own the global news media decide what we see and don't care if we're desensitized to violence?

The fact that parents ask these questions of their media shows a larger problem: too many parents want the television to conform to their norms and control what's on television, instead of shutting it off and doing some parenting of their own. I watched Tom & Jerry growing up when I had occasion to watch TV, and I think it's hilarious. In fact, I still do. But whether my child sees this when he's old enough to watch any TV matters not. As a parent I'd rather plan a hike in the woods with him, or maybe some snowshoeing, when he's old enough to handle it. Tire him out with real outdoor activity, and TV will be the furthest thing from his mind, plus it will give us an opportunity to bond where the TV is good only for zoning out.

I've seen a vision of the future, and here it is: my posts have generally (I hope) been concise & relatively focused since I started this blog. Once that kid exits the womb and enters reality, though, all bets are off: my level of sleep will decline temporarily, my stress will increase, and I'll think of nothing else except my family. I'll still go out and try to follow my own advice of having guy-time as well as being an excellent parent, not just a good one.

Here's one good reason why I bring this up (from Parentdish):

Case in point: "Princess Style" magazines. Okay, so they aren't real magazines. They're actually wall decorations, presumably for a young girl's room. If Ariel's impossibly tiny waist and come hither look aren't painful enough, check out the headlines:

• Great Legs Are a Dream That Can Come True
• What Your Guy Friends Say About You
• Two's Company, Eight's a Crowd
• Find Your Prince: 5 Tips to Show You How

These are, obviously, supposed to be parody, but Disney's target audience is too young to understand sarcasm and satire. My six-year-old is old enough to read them, though. Isn't it a little early to start suggesting to her that her legs aren't perfect? That she needs to worry about finding her "prince" or what boys are thinking about her? (Yes, it's way too early.) And don't get me started on the "eight's a crowd" thing. Sex, body issues, mean girls ... it's all there.

There's a reason they say boys are easier: because, generally speaking, they're less stress. Fathers who grew up with sisters, especially, end up being very protective of females within the pride/family, and thus want to hold off the idea of mating/promiscuity as long as possible. Since our media creates sexy images for younger & younger children with each passing year, it's increasingly difficult for a parent, using natural instinct, to exclude these images from a child's reality.

Does that mean I pray every day for a boy? Not exactly, I just wish it wasn't so damn easy to corrupt the minds of youth (in a bad way...Socrates = good way; Disney = bad way, remember that...).

I subscribe to the Continuum Concept (or TCC) message board via email, and one individual asked the question: what do people think about capitalism and its place in the home (i.e., a value by which to teach your children so they don't grow up believing the government should do everything for you)? I responded that I believe the profit motive & capitalism has a place in current society; otherwise, you end up on the high road toward socialism & dictatorship. That's exactly what's happening in the US, where once we had parallelism, or states that all chose to run their own show with a heavily decentralized federal government which was only there to uphold individual liberties.

One individual, Dave, responded to my email as follows [partial quote]:

The "profit motive" world will not stop until it reaches the physical limits
of it's own consumption of natural resources - which it is now doing thanks to
industrialisation, and the fact that most of the money in existence is nothing
but exponentially-increasing imaginary debt.
...
The whole idea of a two dimensional political spectrum between capitalism and
socialism (or communism) is pretty misleading, but it suits those in power
rather well. They would like us to "choose" between the different ways they
can rule over us, and really, it makes no difference what we "choose", because
there will still be somebody else ruling over us.
...
A society full of happy, healthy, strong, autonomous individuals, with a deep
rooted community makes for a useless consumer marketplace! A society in which
people recognise that the natural world is there to be protected and conserved
- not exploited until it's gone - is not conducive to mass-producing the
latest consumer goods, or selling foreign holidays.

Dave gravitates toward the idea of parallelism above, which the USA had in the beginning of its existence: smaller tribes or states with their own set of values, governed loosely by a decentralized government protecting individual liberties and little else. Any society without some level of authority & heirarchy would surely crumble, but the citizens living under a limited-rule society still need to keep a watchful eye on government. Our country flourished under these values and we have left those behind, starting with a bloody Civil War which should have been the South's own Revolution. Keeping the union together for the sake of power & profit is the very definition of a corrupt government - secession, as Ron Paul notes in his recent blog post, is the most important of State's rights.

These are great lessons to teach your kids. It can be difficult, I'm sure, to strike a balance between teaching your child how to work within the system of government under which your family lives, and also being idealistic and teaching your child how things should be through developing philosophical ideals. But this is a great start: be wary of any government which claims to be doing things "for" you, avoid the benefits of a nanny-state setup and be as independent as possible so you don't need your government more than it needs you.