I Awake
To see reality for what it really is
Three years ago, not far from where I live, a young woman, called Alana, was struck by a train. She had been standing at the barrier, which had closed to signal the oncoming train, waiting for it to open so that she could cross the tracks. But then she noticed her friends on the other side, waving and calling to her. She had wanted to meet them in order to return a pair of jeans which she had borrowed from one of them, so she pushed open the barrier and ran across the tracks. She was torn in two as the train struck her, and she died instantly.
Only a few weeks later, I found myself at the same station, squashed amongst a group of businessmen, waiting for the barrier to open (and the warning bells and flashing lights to subside) so that I could cross. It was peak-hour, so I imagine these men were all in a fluster at the prospect of being made to wait. One of them pushed open the barrier and ran; instinctively, the rest of the herd followed. I felt myself compelled to move forwards with them, and I had already taken three steps before I realised what I was doing and stopped. 'R.I.P Alana' was written, in fresh spray paint, on the tracks at my feet.
Alana's college held a memorial service for her, during which her friends presented three objects to symbolise her short life. One of these was her make-up box, symbolising the pride she took in her appearance, another was an Internet cable, symbolising the many hours she spent talking to her friends online. I can't remember what the third object was, but I'd hate to say it was a pair of jeans.
It's not difficult to become overwhelmed by the faults and failings of society, to feel insignificant amongst the vast number of people that surround you, and to lose a sense of yourself when barraged by countless outside influences, each purporting to tell you who you are and what you want. It is especially difficult for women, because, over the generations, we've undergone numerous, profound shifts in role, capability and identity. It would seem now that we have so much freedom available to us that we can do whatever we like, yet the truth is, no matter what path we choose we will meet with opposition.
We must each take time to think. Alana died because she did not think; she acted on impulse according to her immediate desires. We need to reflect on our own personal situation, and decide what we really want from life. Try to block out the incessant drone of outside influence. It's not just the media that's infiltrated your mind and self, but also every single object you own, every family member, every friend and enemy who has ever been meaningful to you. Break away from it all and meditate; re-evaluate your personal relationships – any that holds a destructive influence should be severed immediately. Once that is done, forget about those people completely, any time they occupy in your mind is time during which they hold sway over you.
Alana's life was characterised by trivialities, clearly her spirit was overwhelmed by them. It is tempting to succumb to these little, apparently harmless, distractions, especially when the "real world" of society is so bleak. But keep in mind that if we indulge too often, we risk losing ourselves and losing sight of what is really important. The spirit we suppress will eventually suffocate, and our lives, too, will be nothing more than pretty illusions. And when the inevitable catches up, when the stench of reality is too strong for our designer perfumes to mask, we'll just sit and wonder where our lives have gone.
So, if, at any time, you feel overwhelmed, weak or powerless, just remember: you don't need to be pushed along with the herd crossing the tracks. You can stop. Take the time to reawaken, to see the real world in front of you, to read the writing at your feet. Let everyone else go. Don't waste your energy shouting at the herd: its direction will change only as each individual member awakens to reality on their own. And, already, your actions are facilitating this. The first thing to do towards saving others is to save yourself.
by Karen Julia
May 11, 2007
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