Metanoia

[Flying Kites]

I was a bit in shock over the unintentional maiming of a big, eight inch earthworm yesterday. I'm normally better than this, but I didn't see it in time before my bicycle tire tore the very tip of its head. It was bleeding really badly. Did you know worms bleed red? So much for humanism, but I say that because I feel bitter. I picked it up and placed it underneath a pine tree. I hate the feeling of causing needless harm. I'd jump right into defence of somebody's honor or their immediate physical protection if I understood the matters well and knew enough of those involved, but this situation really makes me feel low, and all for some stupid trekking across town to settle the insane municipal debts of the city, going to the post office.

No matter what though, I learned a while ago that I can't be fatalistic, such as people saying things and events are "random" or stuff "just happens", so, don't feel bad. Rather, I'm going to feel bad because I know what kind of behavior I am capable of and that while meaning does not need to be attributable to each and every little event in life, that does not preclude the presence of causes deeper than our immediate senses. I am looking forward to a world that will heal itself of the many ignorant and unintended consequences of so many.

I made it a priority to get back to that worm this morning, well, after showering and eating. It hadn't moved from that spot I left it. I figured it was already dead, but it started moving and crapping itself in the paper napkin I picked it up with and planned using to take it to the river. Worms must have a natural trick for stopping their own bleeding, but that didn't matter much because its face was torn nearly in half and it was prolapsing from the mouth. It could not dig into the soil and would starve while burning from solar radiation and the winds. I wet the napkin with water and enveloped it which I am sure was very relieving for it. So, I took it to the Reserve bridge above the Clark Fork and dropped it into the river with final respects. Funny, I don't believe I have ever seen a bird eating a worm but I do know fish do.